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• Tiger Woods finished playing all seventy-two holes of the Masters last week and had to be happy with the results. Subtracting the par-threes, he drove on fifty-six holes and didn't hit one tree. As a result, Tiger got a lot more money deducted from his car insurance than he won playing the tournament.
• Elon Musk changed his mind and opted not to join Twitter's board of directors, allowing him to either attack the company or buy it. It is widely hoped Musk will end the cancel culture's use of Twitter to censor free expression. Americans have the right to remain silent, but don't have the ability.
• The Washington Post reports eighty attendees at the Gridiron Dinner Saturday tested positive for Covid including Members of Congress, U.S. Senators and White House staffers. Apparently there's a new variant spreading through Washington which infects only politicians. The cure has finally arrived.
• White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki was back at work after taking a week off to isolate after she tested positive for Covid last week. Coincidentally, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has also been self-isolating with Covid. Nancy got a nice card from Donald Trump Monday urging her to stay positive.
• Russian teenage kart driver Artem Severiukhin won his age group at the world championships in Portugal Saturday while racing for Italy. But he was kicked off the team for giving a Nazi salute at the podium. As additional punishment he will be forced to watch the Academy Awards for the next ten years.
• The New York Post reports that grade schools in New Jersey have just begun a sexual awareness program for fifth grades in Health and Science class that encourages the kids to masturbate. It's recommended as an effective way to relieve stress. You guessed it, the instruction manual is a handbook.
• Johnny Depp's libel suit against ex-wife Amber Heard started Monday. The tabloids say Depp is still partying like crazy on alcohol and cocaine at age fifty-nine. It makes me feel like I chickened out when I pulled the ripcord and parachuted safely to Sobriety Island when I was still in my early ‘30s.
• The Pentagon's Admiral Kirby displayed photos of major Russian troop movements into eastern Ukraine Monday while NATO posted more combat troops closer to Ukraine's western border. I sure wish Will Smith would slap somebody tonight. My news feed is filling up with World War Three again.
• Vladimir Putin appointed a widely-feared Russian general to head the war in Ukraine Monday who is nicknamed the Butcher of Syria. The same day, a Nat Geo survey showed eighty percent of Americans could not point out Ukraine on an unmarked map. These people may be ahead of their time
• President Biden met with India's prime minister Monday who won't join in US sanctions against Russia and is still trading with Russia. They're buying up Russia's oil at top prices. The best advice India could give Biden was to unplug the sanctions, then plug them back in again, and see if that works.
• Newsweek reported that protests by Hispanic residents in Waukegan, Illinois, prevented a middle school from being named after President Barack Obama due to his deportation policies. There were other objections. Conservatives living in the district didn't like the school mascot, the Fighting Husseins.
• The Wall Street Journal reported that climate change activists are posting directions to followers to go into wealthy areas and let the air out of SUVs to help save the environment. Climate change activists are the reason I always ask the Lord for patience. If He gives me strength, I'll need bail money.
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