There are many complicated theories on what to do about North Korean dictator
He's that crazy little fat guy with nukes and daddy issues who wants to strap his thermonuclear devices to long-range missiles that just might start World War III.
Thermonuclear war tends to bother many people of many nations, and multilayered theories abound. My theory is not complicated. It's simple.
And it involves the
Nobody may want to talk about my theory. But if you hear of a
Just please don't get the idea that I'm advocating harm to another human being, even if it's a madman who tortures people and has nukes. That would be insensitive. And I don't want my newspaper's emails to be hacked, as happened to Sony Pictures after it made the movie "The Interview," a comedy starring
My favorite part was when the Kim Jong Un character and Franco sang
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag/ Drifting through the wind/ Waiting to start again."
That scene was so touching, and the Kim Jong Un character was so vulnerable and needy, I felt like giving him a hug. But
And unlike my Kim Jong Un Chicago way theory, other theories out there are indeed sober and thoughtful.
Will his trusted nuclear friends, like
Kim tried a missile test the other day, worrying the world. That test fizzled, and fizzling is extremely embarrassing to crazy dictators. Fizzling tends to trigger them.
"We'll be conducting more missile tests on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis," his vice foreign minister,
Regular missile tests of long-range North Korean missiles? It doesn't sound prudent, and Trump, as usual, declined comment.
"We'll see what happens," he told
Well, Trump was asked, what happens if
"We'll find out," Trump said ominously, and then raised his eyebrows.
That would also mean that his life of torturing his people and devising complicated executions and killings -- including the time his spies allegedly sprayed poison in his half-brother's face -- would be without meaning.
Or he'll just keep testing his missiles until they work, and then we'll see.
The trouble with theories involving "diplomacy" and the interests of "nation states" is that they're all so dang complicated.
So please consider the 14th century monk named William of Ockham, a famed philosopher who to my knowledge never spent time in
But he did develop a method for dealing with complicated theories. It became known as Occam's razor, and it goes like this:
If you're faced with a choice between various complicated explanations, choose the one that is most simple.
There are many ways to deal with
Some general or trusted friend will meet him, and they'll talk and laugh, maybe joke about devilish tortures, or amazing executions of traitors or some other similar interests.
Perhaps they'll talk of unleashing ravenous hounds, "Game of Thrones" style, which he has said to have once done to do away with his uncle -- although that's been denied too -- or the time he reportedly staked a general to the ground and plopped mortar rounds upon the guy.
Then they'll have a final good laugh. After the laugh, there will be a sigh.
And months later, we might find out that
All this reminds me, oddly enough, of the time when
Legend has it that he told them it was time to stop babysitting
And then, a few months later, the Hatchet visited a Brown's Fried Chicken for another meeting. He parked his blue
It happened in the vestibule. The Hatchet didn't have time to sigh.
And outside, I'd like to think there was a plastic bag, drifting through the wind.