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Jewish World Review April 21, 2004 /30 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Kobe Bryant refused to re-sign with Los Angeles unless coach Phil Jackson is fired. The coach dates the owner's daughter and the star faces a rape trial in Colorado. The Lakers are the closest thing we will ever see to a Clinton third term.

Tiger Woods returned from Army training Monday a bit disappointed in the war games. He spent four long days crawling through the woods in a futile effort to capture a major. The whole idea of the week was to get away from his normal routine.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the head of McDonald's died suddenly Monday. The paper ran three obituaries. One guy had a heart attack at sixty, the second had leukemia at seventy and the third guy had Martha Stewart Living at a hundred twenty.

Sotheby's announced in New York Monday it will auction a Picasso masterpiece for one hundred million dollars. The painting is called a Boy with a Pipe. No one knows what it looks like but it sounds like Robert Downey Jr.'s first head shot.

Mayor Jim Hahn reported Monday that crime is way down in Los Angeles. Nothing helps like a motivated citizenry. A gas station robbery was prevented last week when outraged customers wrestled the cashier to the ground and got their money back.

John Kerry addressed a fundraiser Monday in Palm Beach. This old vacation playground of the rich is a Democratic Party shrine. After the speech, John Kerry dropped by the old Kennedy mansion and left a rolled-up prayer in the Cheating Wall.

Israel prepared to pull out of the Gaza Strip Monday but there are signs the Palestinians aren't ready for self-government. The latest Gallup poll discovered the number-one question asked by Palestinian women. Does this bomb make me look fat?

Hillary Clinton promoted the paperback release of her memoir Living History this week. She's not coy about her next book. If her husband's autobiography isn't sufficiently apologetic she's already copyrighted the title Kill Bill Volume Three.

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