Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review April 20, 2004 /30 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | The New York Post reported on Sunday that the next baseball cheating scandal will involve genetic doping. It improves a player's reflexes by injecting his muscles with superior DNA. Pretty soon every record in baseball will be held by Ted Williams.

The National Football League will hold its annual college player draft in New York Saturday. This year, it's a much different draft. At the scouting combine, the players were shown a picture of a Shiite militiaman and a Sunni freedom fighter and they had to tell which was which.

Hollywood shut down all porno film studios Friday due to a virus detected by immunologists. It's a well-known parasite. When word got out how much money the actors and actresses make in porno films, the agents were crawling on the set the next day.

John Kerry on Sunday denied his wife's claim that he still has terrible nightmares about combat in Vietnam. She just got the wrong impression. A lot of guys toss and turn and rearrange their pillows until they get just the right position on Iraq.

Tony Blair said Friday the U.S. and Britain will remain in Iraq until a stable government is in place. We are trying to teach a tribal culture that violence never accomplishes anything. The goal of all civilized people is the out-of-court settlement.

Israel assassinated Hamas leader Abdel Azziz Rantisi with a helicopter-fired missile on Saturday. The terrorist leaders have decided to lay low. In order to be less provocative, Yasser Arafat is walking around the West Bank disguised as Adolf Hitler.

Hillary Clinton asked the Republicans Sunday to pass health care reform. It could be malaria. She just returned from a vacation on a Jamaica plantation and it's possible that Bill left the mosquito net open when he tip-toed out at night.

Donate to JWR

Appreciate this writer's work? Why not sign-up for JWR's daily update. It's free. Just click here.

Argus' Archives

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton