Jewish World Review April 20, 2004 /30 Nisan, 5764
important news ....
The New York Post reported on Sunday that the next baseball
cheating scandal will involve genetic doping. It improves a
player's reflexes by injecting his muscles with superior DNA.
Pretty soon every record in baseball will be held by Ted Williams.
The National Football League will hold its annual college
player draft in New York Saturday. This year, it's a much
different draft. At the scouting combine, the players were shown a
picture of a Shiite militiaman and a Sunni freedom fighter and
they had to tell which was which.
Hollywood shut down all porno film studios Friday due to a
virus detected by immunologists. It's a well-known parasite. When
word got out how much money the actors and actresses make in porno
films, the agents were crawling on the set the next day.
John Kerry on Sunday denied his wife's claim that he still
has terrible nightmares about combat in Vietnam. She just got the
wrong impression. A lot of guys toss and turn and rearrange their
pillows until they get just the right position on Iraq.
Tony Blair said Friday the U.S. and Britain will remain in
Iraq until a stable government is in place. We are trying to teach
a tribal culture that violence never accomplishes anything. The
goal of all civilized people is the out-of-court settlement.
Israel assassinated Hamas leader Abdel Azziz Rantisi with a
helicopter-fired missile on Saturday. The terrorist leaders have
decided to lay low. In order to be less provocative, Yasser Arafat
is walking around the West Bank disguised as Adolf Hitler.
Hillary Clinton asked the Republicans Sunday to pass health care reform. It could be malaria. She just returned from a vacation on a Jamaica plantation and it's possible that Bill left the mosquito net open when he tip-toed out at night.
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