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Jewish World Review April 1, 2004 /11 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Southern Living alerted readers Monday to disregard their recipe for ice box rolls in the April issue. The ingredients when mixed as directed will cause the rolls to explode. It's what they get for stealing recipes from Yasser Arafat Living.

Michael Jackson met with U.S. Congressmen in the Rayburn Office Building this week. His arrival inspired emergency legislation. Capitol police followed him everywhere he went to make sure there was No Child Left Behind with Michael Jackson.

NFL owners meeting in Palm Beach Monday debated whether to grant Los Angeles a new franchise or transfer a team there. The players can adjust. After five or six concussions they will sound like they have lived in Los Angeles all their lives.

John Kerry raised three million dollars Tuesday in Beverly Hills. His donors expressed concern about the price of oil. Gasoline is so expensive in Beverly Hills that the drink menu at the Polo Lounge lists Molotov Cocktails at market price.

John Kerry had a shoulder operation in Boston Wednesday. He was placed under general anesthesia. Before surgery he signed an order transferring his powers to John McCain, who attacked President Bush until John Kerry regained consciousness.

The Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that government agents may search gas tanks of cars at the Mexican border. There is no expectation of privacy. The next step for smugglers is to convince border agents that Fords made in Mexico run on cocaine.

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