Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Sports Illustrated broke the story that Tom Brady decided to un-retire Sunday and return to play for Tampa Bay. The football he threw for his thought-to-be-last career TD pass was already sold at auction for half a million dollars. This time the football is properly pumped up but the buyer is deflated.

• The DEA reports Mexican gangs are buying drugs from China and flooding the U.S. with opioids by trucking the drugs across the border in vegetable crates. Last weekend the Border Patrol discovered three million dollars of meth hidden inside a shipment of onions. It's enough to bring tears to your eyes.

• Los Angeles heard the good news that Covid infections are miniscule Monday in the face of bad news about six dollars per gallon at the gas pump. Californians are genuinely bewildered right now. Just when the Covid regulations say you can go places again, gas prices say, like hell you can, Sunshine.

• The White House continued blaming Russia for high gas prices Monday as Republican activists started registering potential voters at gas pumps. Even the CDC has weighed in on the skyrocketing price of gas. They told Americans that if everybody doesn't drive for two weeks, we can flatten the curve.

• President Biden called gas prices Putin Price Hikes with the media's full support Sunday to try to minimize damage in the mid-terms. Last week, L.A. had a mild earthquake caused by a tectonic shift in a new geologic crack running beneath the earth's surface. The media was quick to name it Putin's Fault.

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• China came under fire by war hawks and pundits in Washington Monday because of reports they agreed to backstop Russia's economy in the face of Western sanctions. The currency and banking sanctions are slamming Putin pretty hard. The ruble just dropped to a new low against Monopoly money.

• The White House warned any Russian strike that accidentally hits Poland would trigger NATO retaliation after Russia's missiles hit western Ukraine. I hope World War III involves a choice of weapons. Californians prefer the neutron bomb because it only kills people, it spares our patio furniture.

• Russian bombers fired missiles from inside Russian airspace Sunday towards a Ukrainian base just a few miles from Poland's border. It's unsettling. The scariest thing about the World War III that is about to start is, the Germans are on our side this time, and the Germans haven't won a world war yet.

• Vladimir Putin polled strong support in Russia for invading Ukraine Friday. He said he invaded Ukraine to wipe out Nazis and the gay agenda. In Purgatory, I hope Putin will have to watch The Producers over and over till he can lighten up and see the gay & Nazi combo as funny as Mel Brooks did.

• The Rasmussen Poll said only twenty-nine percent of Americans think the country is headed in the right direction. Crime is rampant in big cities as neo-con hawks beat the drums for a catastrophic war while TV pundits are calling each other traitors. Is it me, or is America turning into Gotham City?

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