The problem with socialism,
But the late Mrs. Thatcher -- heroic conservative prime minister of
So I'll have to do it.
After socialists run out of other people's money, the people eventually run out of something almost as precious as money:
It's happening right now in
Let's just hope it doesn't happen here. A nation without toilet paper is a nation ungovernable. The social chaos, the whining, the aggravation -- not to mention the horror of alternative methods, like cobs of corn -- would just drive people insane.
I don't know about you, but I'd seriously consider suicide.
Naturally, as is the left-wing
Now, to my friends on the angry political left, please don't again start demanding that I be fired, and please don't shriek that this column is a veiled conservative attack on
Bernie is a socialist running a rather ethical and inspired campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination.
And he's got enough problems with
So I bet if you asked Bernie about a toilet paper shortage, this is what he'd say:
"Young Americans have a right to toilet papah!! You should all have toilet papah!
Those of you who wish to mock socialist
Democrats want to spend more on social programs because that buys votes. Republicans want to spend more on the military because that buys votes. Anyone who talks about cutting is shamed on social media as a big fat meanie, or a racist, a micro-aggressor, or just some "isolationist" who wants the Islamic State to lop off all our heads.
We just keep spending and printing more and more cash.
So, when you get down to it, Americans have made it clear that we want good, soft, luxuriant toilet paper and we want it now.
We just don't care about whether future generations will have happy behinds. We're really not interested if our great-grandchildren have soft rear ends, just as long as we do.
So far, we're safe. We have toilet paper. But
Price controls, wage controls, then running out of other people's money, shortages, and finally absolute rage from decent folks who don't really care about politics just as long as they can wipe their bottoms without having to use that fountain thing, whatever it is.
The shortstops have toilet paper in America, but in
Just two years ago, Venezuelans were hard-pressed to find even a meager roll on store shelves. People didn't care if it was premium thick or the cheap scratchy kind with the abrasive wood chunks, they just wanted a roll.
"This is the last straw," said
"I've been looking for it for two weeks," said
Again, that was two years ago. It is much worse now, with hotels warning visitors that they must bring great bags full of toilet paper rolls with them to enjoy their stay.
Tourist A: Honey, we've got the camera and cash, and hiking boots, and our cool Patagonia gear. But are we forgetting anything?
Tourist B: What else do we need?
But the tourists might be in store for a rude surprise. According to news reports, federal police are at the border to stop the flow of black-market toilet paper sold at highly inflated prices.
Tourist A: Get your hands off me! I'm an American! I'm not trying to make a profit! I'm just trying to get to my hotel and protect my behind!
Tourist B: Honey, don't worry, hon! I'll call Sen. Sanders' office! Bye!
Any toilet paper in
I'm no economist, and I'm sure there are many brilliant Ph.D.s who would say that socialism really does work.
It's only paper.