Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review March 30, 2004 /8 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | The New York Yankees open their season today in Japan. The Japanese sympathize with American baseball's current dilemma. Japan dumped all their steroids into Tokyo Bay fifty years ago and the result was a decade of really bad science fiction movies.

Three Mile Island observed the twenty-fifth anniversary Sunday of the nuclear power plant's near meltdown. There was panic at the time. Today Americans don't see any problem with trusting their lives to an industry whose best-known employee is Homer Simpson.

Saddam Hussein's French defense attorney announced Sunday that President Bush is guilty of war crimes in Iraq. He wants the president handed over to the World Court. Before that happens, Condoleezza Rice will announce she's pregnant with Richard Clarke's love child.

Richard Clarke told CNN's Judy Woodruff Sunday he believes al-Qaeda will hit New York or Washington D.C. because they are high-value targets. What an analyst this guy is. Predicting that al-Qaeda is going to hit New York and Washington D.C. is like predicting that the Florida Marlins are going to win last year's World Series.

John Kerry stopped at a pancake house in Missouri Sunday to shake hands with folks. Their hands were sticky from waffle syrup and his hands were sticky from twenty years in the Senate. It took rescue crews working with the Jaws of Life two hours to pry them all apart.

Rudy Giuliani was reported Sunday to be considering a run for the U.S. Senate against Hillary Clinton. It is one tough state. To make it in New York politics at this level, you have to have either convicted John Gotti or married Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton stole the show at the Democratic Party Unity Dinner Thursday night in Washington. We may never see his like again. Bill Clinton will always remind us of a happier time when naked aggression had nothing to do with U.S. foreign policy.

Hispanic demonstrators surrounded the suburban home of White House adviser Karl Rove near Washington D.C. Sunday. Hundreds of Mexicans poured out of buses, pounded on his windows, and demanded he support legal rights for illegal immigrants. It's a cautionary tale to the rest of the nation that life in Los Angeles isn't all romance.

Donate to JWR

Appreciate this writer's work? Why not sign-up for JWR's daily update. It's free. Just click here.

Argus' Archives

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton