Jewish World Review March 22, 2004 /29 Adar, 5764
important news ....
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig vowed Tuesday to crack down
on steroid use by players. It could be worse. Thank goodness the
players don't take the same hormones Colonel Sanders feeds his
chickens or Barry Bonds would be white and even plumper through
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland held induction
ceremonies last week. It's a fun place to visit. They have a
program that teaches teens all about rock and roll culture and
which antibiotics are the most effective treatment for it.
Donald Trump filed an application with the government to
trademark the words "You're Fired." This is why the man is a legend
in the business world. He's the only guy in America who's figured
out a guaranteed way to make money in this economy.
John Kerry went snowboarding in Idaho Friday and fell down
six times. He is sixty years old and attempting a daredevil
extreme sport. You would think the presidential nomination would
be enough for someone going through a mid-life crisis.
John Kerry greatly amused the press corps Friday by falling
off his snowboard on Durrance Peak six times in forty-five
minutes. His supporters may not be that amused. The Teamsters are
not going to stand by and tolerate non-union leg breaking.
Martha Stewart's TV show was canceled by CBS last Monday and
she had to resign from the board of Revlon. It just wasn't her
day. Imagine the look of horror on her face when her probation
officer told her she can't have a summer cell in the Hamptons.
President Bush urged the world Friday to stand firm against
Madrid terrorist bombers. Freeways may be the best defense. Al-
Qaeda would run out of dynamite trying to kill every commuter who
drives alone in a car to Los Angeles every morning.
The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau said Tuesday
the NCAA basketball tournament is the year's second-biggest
betting event. What a town. The reason why the bellhops in Las Vegas
hotels look so distinguished is because a week ago they were customers.
John Kerry took off for a five-day vacation in Idaho
Thursday. Every time he returns from one of these vacations he
looks ten years younger. John Kerry's face is so full of plastic
that someday he will have to be buried in a blue recycling bin.
John Kerry is vacationing with wife Teresa Heinz at her chateau in Idaho. His first wife was worth $300 million and his second wife is worth $700 million. When John Kerry says he's going after the wealthy he's got the resume to back it up.
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