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Jewish World Review March 17, 2004 /24 Adar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | California Institute of Technology astronomers said Monday they discovered a new mini-planet and named it Sedna. They said it's the coldest and most distant object in the solar system. That's two titles Martha Stewart has lost just this week.

Bill Clinton had reporters in his office Monday to attribute his weight loss to the South Beach Diet. He said he's been working out four times a week with a German trainer. He really misses Hillary's voice when she's in Washington all week.

Washington D.C. is bracing for an infestation of cicadas. These red-eyed bugs come out of the ground every seventeen years to make a huge racket, mate, lay eggs and die. It's nature's way of showing the baby boomers they didn't invent the Disco Era.

NBC News aired Richard Nixon's White House tapes Monday which revealed he was nervous about John Kerry's anti-Vietnam War speeches. President Nixon called John Kerry a phony. Only Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean was ever more helpful.

John Kerry vowed Monday that when he's president he will crack down on companies that send jobs to India. Never forget what India does for us. The new edition of the Kama Sutra illustrates the number of positions John Kerry has taken on Iraq.

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