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Jewish World Review March 12, 2004 /19 Adar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | John McCain held hearings on steroid use in baseball Wednesday. Baseball has a credibility problem at the rate steroid users are hitting home runs. Yesterday afternoon in Florida the New York Yankees scored so many runs they won a free game.

John McCain told ABC News Wednesday he would consider being John Kerry's running mate. Imagine a ticket with two Vietnam War veterans. It might make Americans think twice about going to war if we have two guys in charge who have never won one.

Bill Clinton spoke at an event sponsored by his foundation Wednesday in the Bronx. Every four years he must endure the agony of another Democrat being the center of attention. George Bernard Shaw wrote a third act about it a hundred years ago called Don Juan in Hell.

President Bush told Ohio that higher productivity is a good thing even if it means fewer jobs. The business audience ate it up. When they applauded low-wage prison labor it made President Bush comfortable enough to ad lib a few Martha Stewart jokes.

The Iraq Governing Council posed for pictures after signing the constitution Monday. You could see the optimism on their faces. Once a country loses a war to the U.S. it is only a matter of time before they are the world's leading automaker.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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