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Jewish World Review March 4, 2004 /11 Adar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Hillary Clinton was mentioned by political pundits Tuesday as a running mate for John Kerry. That would light up the room. Hillary Clinton has tremendous name recognition and if she can overcome that, the ticket might have a chance to win.

Super Tuesday voters had technical problems with electronic voting machines in three states. Touch screen voting still has a few kinks. In California, John Kerry and John Edwards finished second and third to the Paris Hilton sex video.

Al Sharpton refused to quit the Democratic presidential race Wednesday after another trouncing in Tuesday's primaries. He's never leaving. Waiting for Al Sharpton to drop out of the race is like leaving the porch light on for Jimmy Hoffa.

NASA scientists said Tuesday the Mars Rover discovered rocks that were once soaked with liquid water. This is big news. If they can prove that Mars has the conditions to support life, we can start moving our jobs there instead of to India.

McDonald's announced Tuesday it will phase out its Supersize french fries and drinks. This admission opens the door to big-money obesity lawsuits. Surely it's coincidental that John Edwards chose this week to drop out of the presidential race.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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