Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

President Biden will give his State of the Union speech in the House Chamber of the Capitol next week in Washington. In a bow to pandemic safety, only twenty-five House Members and twenty-five Senators will be allowed to attend the State of the Union. A lottery will be held to see who gets to skip out.

• George Washington's Birthday was celebrated at his Mount Vernon estate Monday with a public reception and marching fife and drum corps. At the plantation, George raised tobacco, brewed beer, distilled whiskey and grew hemp. And today he's revered by young people as the Father of Spring Break.

• USA Today reports a poll favoring an end to CDC mask mandates after the nation saw seventy thousand L.A. people totally unmasked at the Super Bowl having a jolly time. It was an honest misunderstanding, In Los Angeles we wear high-tech invisible masks that only rich people know about.

• The Los Angeles Rams were treated to a five-mile-long victory parade on Wednesday after the Rams defeated the Cincinnati Bengals 23-20 in the Super Bowl to win the Lombardi Trophy. Two hours after the game ended, celebrating Rams fans sacked downtown Los Angeles. The good news is, you can't tell.

• Prince Andrew agreed to pay out twenty-four million dollars to settle Virginia Giuffre's underage sex claim against him. They don't just settle for a few Happy Meals to keep quiet anymore. Right now, Prince Andrew is praying as hard as he can for his mother to survive Covid, till the check clears, anyway.

• Supermodel talent scout Jean Luc Brunel was found dead hanging in his Paris jail cell. He also recruited teenage girls for Jeffrey Epstein and his politically powerful friends. Hillary Clinton might as well announce she's running for president and end the suspense, it's not fair to keep everybody hanging.

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• The 2022 Winter Olympics came to a spectacular end in Beijing on Sunday night after two weeks of athletic competition. The closing ceremony was very moving. American families love to gather together around the TV and watch the Parade of Nations and guess which ones we don't have troops in.

• The Winter Olympics came to a climax with Russia sweeping the medals in the Women's Figure Skating competition. It showed that beauty and artistry can flourish even under a brutally oppressive regime. It just makes me look forward to seeing what will be coming out of Canada in the next few years.

• Justin Trudeau suspended the rights and liberties of freedom protests in Ottawa Thursday and ordered that their bank accounts and trucks be seized and public support for them outlawed. While clearing out the truckers, police arrested Canadian geese for honking in solidarity. Now they're plucked.

• The White House ripped Canada's truck driver protestors for halting cross-border trade between the U.S. and Canada. I'd say it's from lack of imagination. Last week, the U.S. banned avocado imported from Mexico, but clever smugglers are sneaking the fruit across the border by disguising it as Fentanyl.

• Donald Trump was ordered to testify in a civil lawsuit brought against him by the U.S. Attorney in the Southern District of New York federal court. It'll never end. The liberal elites in the Upper East Side of Manhattan will never forgive Donald Trump for issuing a presidential pardon to Ketchup on Eggs.

• Special Counsel John Durham's latest filing points to the Clinton campaign hiring a firm to hack Trump's campaign, his transition office and his Oval Office. If true it couldn't have happened without Obama and Biden knowing about it. It's such a big scandal that only World War III is a big enough dog to wag.

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