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• President Biden ordered the government to hand out thirty million dollars worth of free crack pipes to inner cities Tuesday in the middle of Black History Month. It solidified Joe Biden's place as our nation's edgiest comedian. I haven't been allowed to tell jokes like that since I left Oklahoma.
• CNN host Don Lemon was ordered to stand trial for a sexual assault charge brought by a Sag Harbor bartender. Once again sexual misconduct charges strike CNN. Just last week, CNN's boss Jeff Zucker resigned so quickly CNN pundits are absolutely speechless. So, some good came of it.
• Don Lemon is in the dock for sexual assault, Cuomo for groping, Toobin for masturbating on Zoom and Zucker for a secret affair. Just look how easy it was to buy favorable vaccine coverage from everyone at CNN. All Pfizer had to do was to hand out free samples of Viagra in the breakroom.
• L.A. cops took the homeless off all streets between L.A. Airport and SoFi Stadium for Sunday's game. The homeless got good news and bad news. The good news is, they heard the White House is giving out free crack pipes, the bad news is, you go to jail if you take off your mask to smoke from it.
• Beverage Daily says Americans will spend a billion dollars on Super Bowl Sunday drinking four hundred million gallons of beer. Back at OU, every Lent I vowed to stop drinking beer for forty days but I never made it to Easter. One year I got so drunk I went on an Easter egg hunt and shot five eggs.
• The New York Post reports Olympic skiers are complaining about the fake snow that China is using in the Games, saying it's icier than real snow, too fast and too dangerous. Chinese officials point out that real progress has been made. For example, none of the complainers have been shot yet.
• President Biden flew to Brandy Station, Virginia, to discuss his success in pushing heathcare programs Thursday. It was a nice getaway for him. While in Brandy Station, Biden was seen in a Sherwin-Williams store looking at paint color swatches to select the next Supreme Court Justice.
• The White House began vetting possible Supreme Court nominees this week. The court is now more a partisan jury instead of a law-bound referee. Justice Sonya Sotamayor decided to attend all Supreme Court arguments over Zoom in order to protect herself from exposure to the Constitution.
• Reverend Al Sharpton signaled to Democrats to head to the center before the election Tuesday, calling for an end to store looting in New York. Republicans say the problem is soft-on-crime DAs and bail reform. To keep up with the times NBC is changing the name of Law and Order to Catch and Release.
• Alec Baldwin released a video Tuesday announcing that he's back on the movie set working in his next movie filmed in London. It's so great that the film industry is willing to give Alec another shot. The entire cast is completely behind him, which is a hell of a lot safer than being in front of him.
• President Biden's approval rating slipped to thirty-eight percent on Wednesday as the Ukraine crisis deepened. Biden's fearlessness in risking a nuclear war with Russia doesn't attract younger voter support. Nothing scares a Millennial like a 79-year-old man who is willing to die for his country.
• Boris Johnson sent British troops to Poland and Typhoon jets over Eastern Europe to back up NATO resolve in discouraging a Russian invasion of Ukraine, but Putin held firm. The U.S. and the UK are pretty much down to using the Steinway Strategy on Putin. We're hoping a piano falls on him.
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