Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

California's Director of Public Health announced the state will lift its mandatory indoor mask rule beginning next Tuesday, with counties retaining the option to comply or not. It wasn't all good news in the corona virus area Monday. Russia just lifted all its Covid restrictions on travel to Ukraine.

• Ukraine's peril inspires me to offer the Hamilton Plan. We get Ukraine and Mexico to switch places on the map, halting two invasions. America's southern border gets secured by NATO and if Russia invades a country with Mexican food and legalized cocaine, their troops will never come home.

• President Biden hosted German Chancellor Scholz at the White House Monday, adding implied historic pressure on Russia to beware consequences. During lunch the Chancellor gave the White House chef an instruction card with the recipe for German Chocolate Cake. First, invade the kitchen.

• President Biden hosted Germany's new Chancellor at the White House to discuss the military and economic countermeasures against Russia. At his press conference, I swear, Biden said it and not Mel Brooks, that the United States remains in lockstep with Germany. It gave me goose steps.

GET ARGUS' DAILY SMILES to your inbox. Sign up for the JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

• French president Macron was in Moscow urging Putin to retreat. It's the advice you'd expect from France. NATO plans to stop the Russians by having the U.S. in charge of infantry, Britain in charge of air support, Germany in charge of communications, and France in charge of refreshments.

• The Pentagon said Special Forces tracked down the ISIS leader to his apartment in Syria. He blew himself up into the arms of seventy-two virgins. When female suicide bombers arrive in Paradise they get seventy-two caring, sensitive single men who will listen to them and remember their birthdays.

• Beverly Hills churches were swarmed by squirrels where Baptists tossed them in the baptism tank not knowing squirrels can swim, Episcopalians fed them alcohol, forgetting the damage drunk squirrels can do, and Catholics baptized them hoping they'd only come back twice a year. No news from the synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised it, and haven't seen a squirrel since.

(COMMENT, BELOW)