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Jewish World Review Feb. 19, 2003 / 27 Shevat, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig approved the trade of Alex Rodriguez to the New York Yankees. This did nothing to make the league more competitive. Yankee fans cheered, Red Sox fans howled and Wal-Mart offered Bud Selig a lifetime job as a zoning consultant.

San Francisco Judge James Warren said gay marriage ceremonies at City Hall may violate state law, but he didn't ban them. What else can he do? If you put these couples in handcuffs they will pay a thousand dollars extra for the wedding ceremony.

Vladimir Putin was televised in Russia Tuesday dressed in navy whites to see a Russian submarine fire a new missile. Everyone was embarrassed when the missile malfunctioned and failed to blast off. That's what happens when you don't have Cialis.

The September 11th Commission announced on Tuesday they will hold a two-day public hearing next month. Don Rumsfeld and George Tenet will be called to testify. In preparation, the commission is installing swinging doors at the entrance to the hearing room and putting up a sign that reads No Gambling or Spitting on the Floor.

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