Jewish World Review Feb. 9, 2003 / 17 Shevat, 5764
important news ....
The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show airs today from
Madison Square Garden on USA Network. Pop culture is ruining
everything. The broadcast will be on a seven second delay in case
the Jackson family has a puppy who's tired of being overlooked.
Ohio State sophomore Maurice Clarett was ruled eligible for
the NFL draft by a federal judge. The league's minimum age
requirement was struck down. The kid wants to play for the
Minnesota Vikings because their uniforms are the same color as Barney.
President Bush appeared on Meet the Press Sunday to prove to
the media he can handle any tough questions. We all have our
insecurities. John Kerry will never know if Teresa Heinz married
him for love or if it was merely because he looked electable.
President Bush will attend the Daytona 500 in Florida Sunday
to show he cares about NASCAR fans. He's in touch with the blue
collar South. John Kerry thinks NASCAR is a trade agreement
between North America and Scotland and Madagascar.
Dick Gephardt endorsed former rival John Kerry on Friday.
Kerry also picked up an endorsement from Michigan governor
Jennifer Granholm. The only thing that can stop John Kerry from
getting the nomination now is an endorsement from Al Gore.
A Pakistan scientist confessed selling nuclear secrets to
Iran and Libya and Syria. That means we just conquered the only
two nations in the Mideast with no weapons of mass destruction. If
you get no numbers in Keno that's a winning card.
Howard Dean sent an e-mail to supporters Thursday begging
for hundred dollar contributions to continue the campaign. You get
anger, euphoria and a feeling of invincibility for a hundred
dollars. This isn't a candidacy, it's a cocaine binge.
The San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant in Southern California admitted Thursday they opened up their water intake valve too wide and accidentally sucked in two hundred thousand sardines. The fish were exposed to high levels of radiation. The last time this happened, it resulted in ten years of really bad science fiction movies.
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