Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The Washington Post reports the most identifiable Capitol Hill rioter of last year, the Q-Anon shaman Jake Angeli, was found guilty of obstructing Congress. He’s the rioter in make-up who wore a buffalo headdress and Viking horns. He’s been sentenced to three years in The Village People.

• The Weather Channel reports that Winter Storm Izzy swept across the Midwest and South and headed up to Maine over the weekend. The blizzard confined millions of Americans into home shutdown. True to form, the CDC reported that Cleveland was buried under two hundred feet of snow.

• A Nebraska University survey found a majority of Americans say politics causes them fatigue, anger, compulsive behavior, and physical illness. This, while a volcano erupts in the Pacific setting off tidal wave warnings that emptied L.A. beaches. I’m not buying a 2022 planner until I see the trailer.

• The London Times ran an article touting Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg as a possible Democratic Party savior in 2024. In the latest Gallup poll, Pete Buttigieg has the highest job approval of everyone in the Biden Administration. It’s like being the best dressed person at WalMart.

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• Donald Trump’s Arizona rally gave his CNN critics a boost in their sagging ratings. They’ve lost 90% of their viewers since he left office. CNN is getting bombed so badly by Fox News that Don Lemon wants Bernard Shaw and Peter Arnett to come back and hide under the table with him.

• The White House was pressed by reporters Friday asking if President Biden’s low poll numbers mean he’ll just serve one term. The press secretary countered that Biden is preparing for another successful presidential run. In preparation for the campaign, he’s updating the decor in his basement.

• The Hollywood Reporter said the newly released film Scream, a revival of the Nineties horror movie franchise, was a hit. In it, a ghost-faced killer keeps coming back from the dead to murder anyone who gets in its way. In related news, Hillary Clinton is considering another run for president.

• North Korea’s dictator Kim Jung Un announced Thursday his scientists have just successfully tested a nuclear-capable, hypersonic intercontinental missile that can travel over four thousand miles per hour. It’s onward and upwards from there. Next, North Korea is going to test indoor toilets.

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