Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

President Biden lost his temper in front of the press Monday when he called Fox News reporter Peter Doocy a stupid son of a b*^ch under his breath near an open microphone. Biden called Doocy later and apologized for using the phrase. It was the only slur he could think of that wouldn't cost him his base.

• Donald Trump will launch a free-speech media app Truth Social in February to compete with Twitter. Only two million Americans Tweet daily, but the noise they make and the attention they get are enormous. Twitter was created so that the least favorite children can have a sense of community.

• The New York Post reported that the U.S. Border Patrol apprehended a record high number of illegal immigrants last month. Many more made it though into the country. On Monday President Biden finally had enough and declared that we need to protect our borders, starting with the Ukraine.

GET ARGUS' DAILY SMILES to your inbox. Sign up for the JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

• The White House ordered the evacuation of all Americans from Ukraine Monday and weighed sending thousands of U.S. troops. We just might need masks after all. Starting a war with Russia as a distraction to disguise a stupid pandemic policy is the most titanic cough to cover up a fart in history.

• The Daily Mail reported London police busted smuggler Ross Patrick Deffley Monday driving a van with ninety-seven kilos of heroin stashed inside. He was on his way home. His family said they were sad he'll be going to prison, but very happy they'll no longer have to eat their cereal with a fork.

• The CDC played up Omicron even though the statistics prove it's mild and may end up giving everyone herd immunity. They might try snob appeal to lure interest. The CDC should say it's not Omicron unless it comes from the Omicronne region of France, otherwise it's only Sparkling Covid.

(COMMENT, BELOW)