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Jewish World Review Jan. 7, 2005 / 26 Teves, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The USC Trojans walloped the Oklahoma Sooners in the Orange Bowl Tuesday. It was a total mauling. After the ballgame the Sooners flew home to Norman and the Trojans were returned to their glass-enclosed cage at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas.

Elizabeth Smart's father said Tuesday he wants quick resolution to the trial of his teenage daughter's kidnappers in Utah. What an ordeal. They knew she had been psychologically damaged after she told police how much she enjoyed Los Angeles.

Beverly Hills was hit this week by a rash of home burglaries. Police blame Russian and Colombian gangs. We wanted all these countries to be democracies and now when their candidates come to town to raise campaign money we complain about it.

Richard Gere appeared in a commercial on Arab television Tuesday in which he urged Palestinians to vote this weekend. It sounded a little foolish. He said he was speaking for the entire world when everyone knows that's Michael Moore's job.

U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer urged Democrats Wednesday to retain Terry McAuliffe as the party chairman. His allegiance is no secret. If Terry McAuliffe were any closer to Bill and Hillary Clinton he would be on trial for driving the getaway car.

Arnold Schwarzenegger told the legislature Wednesday if they don't adopt his reforms the people will rise up and he will be with them. We've seen this before. Every time an actor is allowed to write his own dialogue he proclaims himself king.

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