Jewish World Review Jan. 5, 2005 / 24 Teves, 5765
important news ....
The Orange Bowl between Oklahoma and USC drew huge ratings
Tuesday. Millions watched with a beer in one hand and pizza in the
other. Democrats will nominate Homer Simpson for president before
they ever allow a windsurfer on the ticket again.
Osama bin Laden issued a new tape urging Sunnis to boycott
the Iraq election in three weeks. He did not call for any
terrorism acts or street killings. Some guys have a harder time
getting back into the groove after the holidays than others.
Mexico's Foreign Ministry published a comic book called
Guide for the Mexican Migrant. It doesn't just show readers how to
slip over the border. It teaches them how to survive in Los
Angeles for months at a time without water or publicity.
George Herbert Walker Bush and Bill Clinton were named
Monday to raise money for Asia. They don't really get along.
Twelve years ago they split America into red states and blue
states without giving the Crips or Bloods a nickel for the idea.
Bill Clinton got right to work raising cash for Asian relief
Monday. There's no doubting his ability. President Bush felt good
about the appointment until he walked upstairs and saw sixteen
strangers sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom on cots.
John Kerry will skip the electoral college vote in Congress
Thursday to travel to Iraq and speak to U.S. troops there. It's
what comics call a death wish. He would rather follow Robin
Williams in Baghdad than lose one more time to George Bush.
Anaheim Angels owner Arte Moreno on Monday renamed his
baseball team the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. The home runs
should be flying. You know the Angels won't be testing for
steroids if they want to fit all that lettering onto one shirt.
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