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Jewish World Review Jan. 8, 2004 / 14 Teves, 5764

Lenore Skenazy

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Wedding tips from Britney | When the person responsible for inspiring an entire generation to pierce a previously obscure body nub makes a vow to love, honor and go 'way, this is not something America can ignore.

Not that America has been ignoring it.

But anyway, the point is: Post-Britney, weddings may never be the same. If, indeed, the Britster has started yet another trend with her jiffy nup, it won't be long before party planners are deluged with requests for similar no-muss, no-fuss and, in a matter of hours, no-us weddings.

And maybe that's good. I mean, have you seen those bridal magazines? They want you to spend more time planning your wedding than Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld spent planning his war. More money, too. And - just like Rumsfeld - they don't have an exit strategy! Lickety-splitsville weddings (and wars) may be just what this country needs.

"Fathers of the bride will be grinning from ear to ear," predicts Patty Sachs, a longtime wedding planner and author of "Pick A Party."

Expensive invitations? No time - gotta use E-mail. Expensive flowers? "I would use crunched Kleenex for paper roses," says Sachs. The eager couple can attach bobby pin stems on their way to the chapel. Dad can laugh all the way to the bank.

As for bridal attire, don't think gown by Vera Wang, think gown by the nightstand. The flannel one. Look - it fits, it's available and it's gonna end up right back next to the nightstand anyway.

Now, be forewarned that at the wedding itself, there might not be enough time to wait for loved ones. Don't sweat it, says standup comic Courtney Knowles. "Just pick up some hookers." They're awake, available and they have had a lot of experience standing in for loved ones. Plus, she says, "Having them seduce your new spouse in the wedding chapel bathroom will help ensure that annulment is not contested."

Now that's planning.

As for party food, be creative. "Swing by Krispy Kreme for a few dozen hot ones to stack in tiers and, voilą!" says Manhattanite Kendra Boroski: "A cake made out of doughnuts! Bride/groom decorative statue not included, but a coffee cup and a marker will do in a pinch."

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Surely, this is something you'll want to photograph, and when you do - stick to Polaroids. "These allow you and your spouse to enjoy the wedding memories while you are still wed," says Knowles.

Afterward, why not spend a romantic honeymoon at a Ben Affleck movie? Any Ben Affleck movie. That way, even if the marriage doesn't last very long, it will feel like it lasted forever.

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

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