Jewish World Review Dec. 31, 2003 / 6 Teves, 5764
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | It's time for our annual look back at the past year's antics. Happy New Year!
FEBRUARY Martin Sheen led an anti-war march on Hollywood
Boulevard Sunday wearing duct tape over his mouth. It allowed the
actor to prove two things. He's not afraid to lose his job, and
there's someone in his family that can still breathe through his nose.
MARCH Dick Cheney said on NBC Sunday he thinks President
Bush's cowboy image is a good thing. He is what he is. President
Bush declared war Monday from his Oval Office desk in front of a
photograph of his father and his two brothers, Hoss and Little Joe.
APRIL Saddam Hussein's bedroom was shown Tuesday to contain
lamps shaped like nude women, mirrored ceilings, two sunken wet
bars and twelve cases of Scotch. This is nuts. We just sent two
hundred thousand troops to liberate Iraq from Dean Martin.
MAY The White House formed Iraq's interim government in
consultation with Britain on Monday. It's a fair deal. To avoid any
appearance of colonialism, we plan to divide Iraq into three
different countries, Regular, Unleaded, and Unleaded Supreme.
JUNE Howard Dean began to catch fire with audiences
campaigning in Iowa Monday. He doesn't fit the profile. It's
generally conceded that to capture the White House, a Democrat
must be fiscally conservative, socially liberal, and sexually
JULY Tony Blair gave a beautiful speech on Tuesday to a
joint session of Congress and got ovation after ovation. He got
offstage just in time. If Tony Blair were any more charming and
glib and eloquent, the Republicans would impeach him on sight.
AUGUST Arnold Schwarzenegger announced on the Tonight Show
he will run for governor of California. His wife Maria Shriver
opposed the run for fear his past history with women could
surface. She's afraid a sex scandal could ruin the good name of
SEPTEMBER General Wesley Clark began his presidential
campaign Friday with a speech in Iowa City, Iowa. He told the
audience the passions of Iowa are his passions as well. On his
honeymoon night, his wife came to bed all dressed up as a corn
OCTOBER William Bennett told NBC's Meet the Press Sunday he
has quit gambling. He was promoting his Book of Virtues, which
purports that moral perfection is the goal of everyday living.
This book is so full of chastity even the jacket won't come off.
NOVEMBER Hillary Clinton headlined the Iowa Democratic
Party Dinner Saturday and drew a full house. These people can eat.
They consumed two thousand pounds of meat, six hundred pounds of
corn, two thousand potatoes and the band's drummer is missing.
DECEMBER Saddam Hussein was captured and arrested by U.S. troops Saturday after a seven-month manhunt. He was found in a six-foot hole on a remote farm. Thank goodness he wasn't disguised as a weapon of mass destruction or we might never have found him.
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