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Jewish World Review Jan. 15, 2003 / 21 Teves, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Neil Armstrong endorsed the president's plan on Tuesday to send an American to Mars and to establish a space colony on the moon. His courage held no regard for his own personal safety. Neil Armstrong had a choice and he came back to this world.


Rocky Mountain states battled the federal government Tuesday over control of wildlife policy. Federal officials postponed a decision on whether to protect the Gray Wolf. They are going to wait and see if Gary Hart actually runs for the Senate.


Howard Dean will attend church with Jimmy Carter in Georgia Sunday. How very shrewd. Being seen with Jimmy Carter may be the best campaign decision Howard Dean has made since he decided he could be elected on the promise of a tax increase.


John Edwards was attacked in Sunday's debate for his Senate vote in favor of the war in Iraq. Before John Edwards got into politics he was a personal injury attorney. He still has a hard time opposing anything that causes personal injuries.


Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill took back his indictment of President Bush Tuesday. He lost his nerve. Last year Paul O'Neill was fired so bluntly and so publicly that NBC stole the idea and turned it into a show starring Donald Trump.


Paul O'Neill flip-flopped Tuesday after the White House threatened to indict him. He apologized for calling President Bush a blind man in a room full of deaf people and he backed him in Iraq. NFL teams are preparing for the Super Bowl by telling cornerbacks to watch a tape of Paul O'Neill backpedaling on the Today Show.


Pete Rose fell in polls Tuesday after he admitted he gambled on baseball but denied his addiction. There's no chance of redemption now. Pete Rose should have cleaned up his act before every other show on American television was Law and Order. Roger Clemens unretired Tuesday and signed with the Houston Astros. The team also gave him a long-term post-career personal services contract. Hall of Famers are being claimed for life until the owners see if the Ted Williams experiment works.


The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp honoring the one hundredth anniversary of the first flight by the Wright Brothers. The first man in powered flight was from Ohio, the first man ever to orbit Earth was from Ohio, and the first man on the moon was from Ohio. It sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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