Jewish World Review Jan. 2, 2003 / 8 Teves, 5764
important news ....
Bobby Knight scolded Texas Tech fans for low turnout at
basketball games. The team is struggling. Bobby Knight has no
recruiting scandals, no illegal junior college transfers and no
doctored transcripts, and he has the record to show for it.
George Steinbrenner fainted at Otto Graham's funeral Friday.
The eulogy got to him. When they said Otto Graham led his team to
the NFL title game nine times and never made more than ten
thousand dollars a year, the Boss went out like a light.
McDonald's stock rallied Monday when its restaurant sales
last weekend were not hurt by the specter of Mad Cow. Appearances
are everything. Until the heat is off, Ronald McDonald has been
told to cut the clowning and make like Alan Greenspan.
Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman assured Americans Monday
that United States beef is safe to eat. She said muscle cuts of
beef have almost zero risk. Tell that to any woman who ever worked
on the set of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
Hillary Clinton was named Most Admired Woman in America
while President Bush was named Most Admired Man in America in
Gallup's annual poll. They have more in common than you might
think. The both have the same campaign slogan, Four More Years.
Wesley Clark released a new campaign commercial that shows
President Clinton hanging the Medal of Freedom around his neck.
The Medal of Freedom had a special significance during the Clinton
Administration. It gave you the right to date around.
Tom Ridge updated reporters on the latest terrorism alert
Monday. An orange line was painted down the middle of the halls of
all government buildings. That way the bureaucrats arriving late
for work do not bump into the ones leaving early.
The FBI warned police Monday to look out for anyone carrying almanacs. They contain information about the U.S. that terrorists can use. It's safe to say the writing staff at Jeopardy has made the president feel like an idiot for the last time
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