October 26th, 2021


Happy Holidays

Greg Crosby

By Greg Crosby

Published June 17, 2016

Want to get depressed? Well, keep tuning in to the news and it's enough to drive you over a cliff. This terrorist attack in Orlando by an Islamic radical bent on Jihad against Americans is horrible enough as it is. But the way our political leaders on the left and the media have tried to spin it as just another "gun control" and "homosexual hate crime" problem is not only disgusting and wrong, it's dangerous. Most clear thinking halfway intelligent people know the truth, unfortunately there are too many who aren't clear thinking nor halfway intelligent. Another problem is, that as Americans, we're not together anymore.

As a country, we Americans have never been less united. Politics, academia, and popular culture has sliced and diced us into categories and groups based on race, age, class, ethnicity, gender, sexual preferences, disabilities, and well, you name it. You'd probably have to go back to the Civil War to find a period in our history when we were this divided, but even at that time it was simpler than today. Back then it was one issue, slavery. Today there are dozens of issues that divide us.

Over the past few years, thanks to false accusations and half-truths made by Leftist anarchist organizations such as Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter, Americans have been pitted against each other like never before. Most people are given to believe that these groups are spontaneous uprisings emanating out of youth and inner city frustration, but it's not so. These movements are part of a web of well-funded communist/socialist organizations that have been agitating against America for decades. Their goal is to divide us, and social media has made it easier for them to spread the hate.

Summer has only just begun and I shudder to think what it will bring. Besides the usual political divide brought on by a presidential election, we have the illegal immigration demonstrations, the Ferguson-inspired war against the police, and the ongoing fear of another terrorist attack by ISSI or some other crazy Islamist group or individual. America feels on edge, and this time it is not only from outside forces, but from within.

Depressing, isn't it? So what's to do? Clearly we need something to bring us all together again as a nation and as a people. We need something that will make us all happy all the time. And what is happier than giving and getting presents? It works for birthdays, right? It works for Christmas and Hanukah. So I propose we pass a national law that mandates that we exchange presents for every single holiday. I mean EVERY holiday.

Sure we have the usual gift giving on birthdays, anniversaries, and a few select holidays, but how about giving presents for Flag Day? Give a patriotic gift to your loved one on that day. It doesn't necessarily have to be a flag, you can give a flagpole. Or give anything made in America. Be creative; have a special flag made up which represents the person's personality in color and design. Think outside of the flag box.

For Groundhog's Day there are plenty of gifts you can bestow on family and friends beside a DVD of the Bill Murray movie. Since Groundhog's Day is all about the animal forecasting six more weeks of winter, how about giving a vacation to a winter resort? Or a gift of a warm article of clothing like a sweater or jacket or scarf. Hibernating is a groundhog thing to do, so go somewhere and do that. Then in keeping with the movie, do it again, and again.

For Labor Day give the gift of work. Hire someone. Or do a job for a family member or friend that they have not gotten around to doing for themselves. And what could be more appropriate on Labor Day then giving birth to a baby? (Of course you'd have to time that one just right.)

Celebrate St. Patrick's Day by exchanging presents that are green. Money counts. Celebrate Columbus Day by giving someone the gift of discovery. When they open their present they discover that it's something they didn't want and don't like. Mother's Day is a day when everyone who has or ever had a mother should get a present along with good old mom. Let's all celebrate Mother's Day with gifts. Same with Father's Day.

Once we all start exchanging presents for every holiday I promise you the world will be better off. It'll keep our focus on gift giving, not troublemaking. And think how good it will be for the economy.

Remember ourmotto: All presents all the time.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. He's been a JWR contributor since 1999.