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Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2003 / 15 Kislev, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Hollywood stuntwoman Rhonda Miller sued Arnold Schwarzenegger for defamation Monday. She claims he trashed her reputation to the press after she accused him of groping her at work. Arnold Schwarzenegger is methadone for Bill Clinton junkies.

Al Gore endorsed Howard Dean for president Tuesday at appearances in Harlem and Iowa. It's amazing. It took Al Gore two months on the board of that waterfree urinal company to figure out the best way to rain on Hillary Clinton's parade.

Ted Koppel hosted a Democrat presidential candidates debate Tuesday night on ABC Nightline. It was taped hours earlier because the sponsors feared John Kerry might swear on late-night television. You can only talk like that during prime time.

Howard Dean was pilloried by other Democrats in the ABC News debate in New Hampshire Tuesday. You can already see the influence of Al Gore on the former Vermont governor. Three times during the debate, Howard Dean changed into a different shirt.

Bill Maher horrified a banquet honoring Hillary Clinton in Hollywood Thursday. He joked about her husband's affairs in front of her. The way Bill Maher publicly humiliated the former first lady it's a wonder she wasn't sexually attracted to him.

President Bush signed Medicare Reform Monday despite charges by seniors that it's a giveaway to pharmaceutical firms. Their prices are high. Every year the drug industry makes great strides in easing pain, treating disease, and relieving wealth.

The Pentagon told NATO Monday the U.S. is thinking about pulling its troops out of Germany. Our troop presence there has prevented world war for sixty years. Pulling U.S. troops out of Germany is the worst idea since Siegfried and Roy decided that allowing the white tiger to improvise would add a little freshness to the show.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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