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Jewish World Review Nov. 2, 2004 / 18 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Lenore Skenazy

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Consumer Reports

Voters do it standing up | Most Americans are looking forward to Election Day with all the joy usually reserved for bunion surgery. If only they'd realize there's a reason we call 'em political parties.

Election Day is party day! It's New Year's Eve with concession speeches. That line leading to the voting booth is like a giant bar, teaming with high-on-democracy electors of all ages, shapes and single issues.

These voters are ripe for the picking. Play your chads right and you could have a new little voter 18 years from now. Especially if you use this exclusive guide to:


Vote here often?

I have a poll I'd like you to take.

I went to Electoral College with Bush.

What positions do you favor?

Donate to JWR

You win the popular vote with me!

You make my heart float like a butterfly ballot.

Wanna come up and see my bumper stickers?

I was leaning toward Kerry but now I'm leaning toward you.

Didn't I meet you at the midterm elections?

You can dangle my chads any day.

I looked at you and my lever flipped.

Let's go behind the curtain and vote our brains out.

If I said you were electing a political body, would you hold it against me?

Want to see something more exciting than democracy in action?

Let's make this state swing!

Buy you a vote?

No electile dysfunction here.

You make me tingle right down to my hustings.

It's not just Kerry making a big last-minute surge.

How do you feel about third parties?

Hey, look - I can make my straw vote.

Whaddaya say we go back to my place and watch the results?

Wanna hear my stump speech?

We go together like Hannity and Colmes.

Wow - did you ever realize that a W with a slash through it is also an upside-down M with a slash through it? Far-out!

If you're a Republican, I'm Mr. Right.

You're liberal, I'm liberal. Let's tax and spend some time together.

I'd like to serve in a Swift boat with you.

If you leave now, I'll be bluer than Vermont.

Let's rock the vote all night long.

Hey babe, what's your protest sign?

Let's get as crazy as Florida 2000.

Ever think of changing parties?

You make John Edwards look like Dick Cheney.

Choose me!

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to be participating in the electoral process?

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2004, New York Daily News