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Jewish World Review Nov. 19, 2003 /24 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Arnold Schwarzenegger took the oath as California governor Monday. He placed his hand on the two-hundred-year-old Kennedy Family Bible. This bible has Moses coming down from Mt. Sinai with the Nine Commandments and the Kennedy Family Waiver.

Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh welcome President Bush and Laura to Buckingham Palace this morning. They all seem like old friends already. Last night they sat around and discussed their mutual experiences raising boy-crazy kids.

Hillary Clinton is being urged by advisors to run for president, according to Newsweek. She might fall for it. She thought her husband was making reservations to take her to France after she caught him on the computer looking up Paris Hilton.

Senator John Kerry fired his campaign manager and announced he's reshaping his message. His new campaign slogan is The Real Deal. Now people come to his rallies just because they think they are going to get a discount on fried chicken.

The Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinner in Iowa Saturday night made millions of dollars for the Democratic Party at two thousand dollars per ticket. Donors were fed beans and barbecue. The Chevron station in Beverly Hills doesn't charge that much for gas.

Al Gore on Tuesday joined the advisory board of Los Angeles- based Falcon Waterfree Technologies. This has to be the perfect job for the former vice president. The company makes waterless urinals and it only makes sense that they would hire a tree.

Houston got hit Monday by ferocious rainstorms accompanied by high winds. It caused flooding that overturned cars and damaged buildings. The water was so deep in the suburbs that trophy wives were running over their husbands in cabin cruisers.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton