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Jewish World Review Nov. 5, 2003 /10 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Green Bay star Brett Favre beat Minnesota Sunday despite playing with a broken right thumb. That's not his only limitation. Being a white boy from Mississippi, no matter how many touchdown passes he throws, he will never be a Supreme Court justice.

Investors Business Daily said Thursday Wall Street expects huge profits when silicone breast implants return to the market. There's a question of safety with silicone implants. A lifetime of free drinks can cause all kinds of health problems.

The New York Post says Rodney Dangerfield met with scientists to try to have himself cloned. The man gets no respect even from the medical profession. Rodney Dangerfield is so unlucky he recently received a kidney transplant from a bed wetter.

The New York Times hired an editor Tuesday to guard against reporters making up facts. It has no effect on the opinion page. The thing people like about the New York Times is that it doesn't clutter up your mind with opposing points of view.

Hillary Clinton led all Democrats by huge margins in the latest polls with broad support from all races, religions and sexual preferences. She's nothing if not tolerant. For eight years, Friday was Casual Marriage Day at the White House.

John Kerry sent out a mailer for money even though his wife Theresa Heinz is worth six hundred million dollars. She won't spend money on his campaign. If she wanted to throw her money down a rat hole, she would have bought the Boston Red Sox.

Salt Lake City Olympics officials were put on trial for allegedly bribing IOC members for their votes for the 2002 Winter Games. In return for their votes, the IOC members received cash, prostitutes, and medical care. That's the usual order.

The Casino and Gaming Television Network debuts on cable next year, featuring poker tournaments, tips on games of chance, and vacation ideas. Gambling helps to bring families together. Once you lose the house, everybody has to move into one room.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton