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Jewish World Review Oct. 8, 2003 / 12 Tishrei, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | The California Recall Election drew a huge voter turnout Tuesday. Exit polls had bad news for the Democrats. The early returns showed that four households out of five threw out the Los Angeles Times and replaced it with the Limbaugh Letter.

Gray Davis denied Monday leaking Arnold Schwarzenegger's past sexual antics to the Los Angeles Times. He also denied leaking old quotes of Arnold's which praised Adolf Hitler. Looks are everything out here, and it looks like Gray Davis studied acting under O.J. Simpson at the Rockingham School of Denial.

Louisiana lowered the blood alcohol level for drunk driving Friday to comply with federal standards. It applies mostly to upstate people. About the only drunk law they have in New Orleans is, never try to pick up a woman wearing a Super Bowl ring.

The National Funeral Directors agreed to set standards for crematoriums last week. No one really wants to know what goes on in there. Recently in Los Angeles a blonde died, and she had so much silicone that when they cremated her, she formed her own urn.

NBC News reported Monday that Australian medical researchers in Sydney invented a male birth-control serum. So far it's worked perfectly. The contraception is taken by injection, and in six

The U.S. Senate heard arguments Friday for oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The oil supply needs to be increased. Gasoline is so expensive that trophy wives in Texas who run over their husbands are being forced to carpool.

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