October 20th, 2021


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Sept. 20, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
Tom Brady discussed playing NFL football at age forty-four Friday, saying he might play until he's fifty. He'll never pass the physical. Tom's already had one major scandal and a four-game suspension for playing with deflated balls and a second violation could tarnish Brady's legacy forever.

Hillary Clinton's campaign attorney Michael Sussman was indicted Thursday for lying to the FBI in 2016 about her rival Trump colluding with the Russians. It puts Hillary behind the entire Russian hoax. In his own defense, the indicted attorney heatedly denies committing suicide next week.

Scientific American reports on research by scientists in Silicon Valley on delaying the pace of human aging. They seek to bolster our blood cell regeneration response to what they call bodily insults as we age. I must admit I'm insulted that my car gets more extended warranty offers than I do.

The Wall Street Journal reports Petco went public on the Stock Exchange as the pet store has upgraded its services past being a dog food depot. They now offer dog fur trims, vet visits, and training classes. Petco trainers taught my dog to beg and yesterday he came home with twelve dollars.

The U.S. Census Bureau reported statistics Wednesday revealing that the eighty million-strong Millennial Generation is larger in numbers than Baby Boomers. They're young adults whom I sincerely admire for their swagger. I love the way Millennials walk around like they rent the place.

President Biden and Britain signed a deal to build Australia eight nuclear subs, even though France had the deal but we stole it. Biden forgot Australia's prime minister's name but he did remember to screw France. It's the closest the Anglo-Saxons get to having our own national holiday.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki assured reporters President Biden does not have Covid in answer to questions about Joe's recent persistent cough. The president is safe. I remember how it all played out last fall during the presidential campaign when even Covid chose Trump over Biden.

The U.N. General Assembly meets this week with Russia ripping vaccination requirements. We must humor them. The U.N. is a nest for Russian spies, and if they steal our military secrets, they will learn how to fly home from Afghanistan like we did, instead of having to march home like they did.

The White House strongly urged Americans to get booster shots Wednesday despite the FDA's saying they aren't needed. Everyone cites different statistics that reach different conclusions. To me, the most remarkable thing about the last eighteen months is that nobody's died of natural causes.

President Biden was revealed by Pentagon leaks to the media Friday to have overruled advice of his generals on Afghanistan. The same day he changed the border crisis language. The media will now refer to illegal aliens as human infrastructure and the Taliban will be called the Trumpistani.

General Milley called a Chinese general, assuring him we won't attack them in Trump's final months. Dr. Fauci may have lied to Congress by denying that the NIH funded the Wuhan lab. Dr. Fauci and General Milley are such Chinese tools they're getting a line of chopsticks named after him.

North Korea resumed firing missiles into the Sea of Japan Thursday from its new train-based launchers. I think I finally see what they're doing. The North Koreans have fired so many missiles into the sea it's formed a barrier reef which actually protects North Korea from amphibious invasions.

Oscar-winning documentarian Michael Moore declared he's proud of Joe Biden's withdrawal policy in Afghanistan even though he voted for Bernie Sanders in the Michigan primary. Last year during my visit to the U.S. Capitol I spotted Michael Moore and took a picture of him. It's still printing.

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Impeachment: An American Crime Story mini-series debuted on FX about the Bill Clinton sex scandals in the ‘90s. A movie script is also being pitched in Hollywood about Hillary Clinton's life which would star Scarlett Johansson as Hillary. Bill Clinton just offered to play himself in the movie.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art fundraising Gala was held at the museum in New York last weekend, which charges people thirty thousand dollars a ticket to attend. I never go. I'm pretty sure G od made me a non-billionaire because he knew how ridiculous I'd look in a superhero costume.

Rap star Nicki Minaj was slammed by the media for tweeting a warning about possible effects of the Covid vaccine. Nicki is getting tremendous support from the trans-vaccinated community in West Hollywood. They are not actually vaccinated, but they identify as someone who is vaccinated.

Podcast king Joe Rogan's show returned and Joe disclosed he got Covid this year and that the horse medicine Ivermectin cured him. He was quite open about it. Joe explained to viewers the Ivermectin had no weird effects on him, as he sat at his desk, munching sugar cubes, carrots and hay.

Rastafarians in Jamaica staged street protests against police disrespect toward their religious practices. Smoking pot is part of their worship ritual. The Rastafarians believe that Ethiopia is the Promised Land, probably because they heard that everybody there has the munchies all the time.

The New Orleans Times Picayune reported the recent hurricanes have flushed wildlife out of the swamps. Just this week, Louisiana authorities captured a five-hundred-pound alligator in the Bayou suspected of eating a local man. Before the incident, it was a one hundred pound alligator.

The FEC ruled that Twitter didn't violate the law by censoring articles about Hunter Biden or erasing conservative posts during the 2020 campaign. Enough is enough. This week may be the time to look at election integrity after Joe Biden just got eighty million votes for California governor.

California Governor Gavin Newsom cruised to victory over recall advocates Tuesday by a two-to-one margin. The governor's campaign polling steered the way. Thirty percent of Californians say that illegal immigration is a serious problem and seventy percent said no es un seriousa problemo.

Governor Newsom ducked the recall Tuesday but his reelection prospects face problems. The public is furious over the homeless tent camps on city streets. To re-create the aroma of the street of San Francisco the perfume counters on Nob Hill offer you a fragrance called Chanel Number Two.

Bob Woodward's book Peril claims that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi contacted Joint Chiefs Chair Mark Milley to urge him to block President Trump's access to the nuclear codes. That's not her job or his. I think it's time for Nancy Pelosi to step aside and let somebody else get nothing done.

The Census Bureau reports Millennials have surpassed Baby Boomers as the country's largest generation. I've been a typical Baby Boomer all my life. Which means that today, my ability to remember song lyrics from the Sixties far exceeds my ability to remember why I came into the kitchen.

CNN reporter Jim Acosta defended President Biden's handling of the U.S. military evacuation from Afghanistan and called Trump voters the American Taliban. If true, that's trouble. Trump voters are asking if they're the new Taliban, then how soon do they get their free military equipment?