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Jewish World Review Sept. 8, 2004 / 22 Elul, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Michael Moore decided Monday to submit Fahrenheit 9/11 for the Academy Award for Best Picture against The Passion of the Christ. What a huge ego. It's not enough that he's trying to defeat the President of the United States, now he's trying to beat Jesus.

John Kerry campaigned on front porches in Pennsylvania and Minnesota this week. He likes to talk to small groups. It takes time for each voter to sit on the candidate's lap and whisper into his ear exactly what he wants for Election Day.

John Kerry hired former Clinton spokesman Joe Lockhart Monday and recruited the advice of former Clinton masterminds Paul Begala and James Carville. He's pulling out all the stops to win. John Kerry telephoned Hillary Clinton Sunday night at the hospital and said if she ever finds herself single, he has always loved her.

President Bush hosted an Ask the President event in Missouri Tuesday, which lets people say what's on their minds to the president. He was bound to shine. This is Cardinals country, and when President Bush was young and single, he studied the box scores like John Kerry studied the obituary page of the Wall Street Journal.

California brushfires erupted Monday in the brutal heat of the annual Santa Ana winds. Thousands of acres are ablaze in Napa Valley. Gallo Vineyards was awarded the blue ribbon for best wine at the state fair this week by a panel of fire-eaters.

Bill Clinton was the subject of intense medical scrutiny Monday to see if he can recover in time to save the Democrats from defeat in November. He's done it again. For the fourth consecutive national election, it's going to be All About Bill.

Bill Clinton sailed through heart bypass surgery at Presbyterian Hospital on Monday. His doctor at the press conference described his condition as sedated but still arousable. Only one hour after the operation, he took a turn for the nurse.

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