September 26th, 2021


Ode to a Covid Independence Day

Lenore Skenazy

By Lenore Skenazy

Published July 3, 2020

Ode to a Covid Independence Day
Things you can do on the Fourth of July

If you're worried 'bout COVID and don't want to die:

You can throw a nice burger on top of your grill

Then eat it alone. Yep. Sit there and chill.

You can get out the chips and the dips and the guac,

And no one will care if they drip on your sock,

'Cause you're in your lounger, not out on the street,

Just you and your newly guac'd socks on your feet.

For fun you can wave a small flag on a stick

(Admittedly, this can get old pretty quick.)

Or get out a blanket, and lay yourself down.

It's just like a picnic, except for your frown.

If you're longing for company, even of ants,

Get chocolate sprinkles. Spill some on your pants.

(Note: Do not go to the store at this time!

Just order your sprinkles from Amazon Prime.)

What else makes for fun on the Fourth of July?

What else but a slice of homemade apple pie?

(As for the bakery: You must not go!

A virtual slice must suffice for you, bro.)

Tradition demands that a beer be enjoyed

As fireworks streak through the sky ... on your 'Droid.

Watch them explode as you "Ahh!" and you "Ooh!"

Because you have got nothing better to do.

And when it's all over, get out of your chair.

Salute to our country! Then go wash your hair.

It will not be like this the next July Fourth.

It's gotta get better. It cannot be wourth.