June 26th, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published June 22, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune says a movie theater concession stand employee was arrested for dealing drugs from behind the counter. He had been selling quarter-grams of cocaine hidden inside boxes of popcorn. It had gone unnoticed because it didn't change the twenty dollar price of the popcorn.

Mattel unveiled a Voter Barbie doll to inspire kids to get engaged in politics. The fact that Barbie is wearing an “I Voted” sticker AND holding an unmarked ballot tells me she's with the DNC. Just noticing that could get me charged by a House Committee with threatening to overthrow our democracy.

President Biden came on TV Thursday to admit that things look down right now but insisted that we are nowhere near a recession. Good investments are still out there. The Consumer Price Index confirmed that illegal drugs and anything you buy on the Dark Web are the only things beating inflation.

Business Week says that graduating college seniors this month enjoy one of the best job markets in years for business careers. The key is matching your talents to the right company. Last week one graduate showed up for his job interview with Delta Airlines two hours late and he was hired on the spot.

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Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen tried to assure the financial markets that recession is not inevitable from skyrocketing price of consumer goods, soaring food costs and the doubled price of gas. The good news is, President Biden can blame falling off his bike on his bicycle tires. Too much inflation.

President Biden fell off his bicycle with TV news cameras rolling Saturday while bicycling on the Rehoboth Beach trail during his holiday weekend vacation in Delaware. Joe went down faster than the economy. Thank goodness Biden was wearing his crash helmet, the same one he uses to climb stairs.

Donald Trump addressed the Faith and Freedom Conference staged by evangelical Christians on Friday. Trump packs them in at Evangelical events for the same reason I sell out at the Comedy Store. Audiences think one of these nights we're going to break down and repent and they don't want to miss it.

GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy on Sunday denounced Nancy Pelosi's January 6th Committee as the most partisan and the least legitimate House committee in American history. I will never forget what happened on the day of January 6th, 2021. I filled up my car for three dollars a gallon.

Stephen Colbert's staffers were arrested for trespassing after hours in the Capitol during coverage of the January 6th hearings trying Trump's people for breaking into the Capitol. You can't make it up. For six years Stephen Colbert has been Trump's tormenter, now he could end up being Trump's cellmate.

Stephen Colbert's CBS Late Show staffers were arrested by Capitol Police inside the House office Building after hours. They were roaming the House office hallways after hours without an escort. Escorts run House Members two to five hundred dollars a night, depending on how young you like them.

The Pentagon expressed concern Sunday when the Chinese Navy launched the world's largest aircraft carrier, their first exclusively designed and built by Red China. The flight deck includes four Dim Sum restaurants. Also on the deck are two dry cleaners, a massage parlor and a Nike shoe factory.