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Jewish World Review June 15, 2004 / 26 Sivan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Detroit Pistons have a chance to beat the Los Angeles Lakers tonight and bring the NBA trophy back home to Detroit. It's been fourteen years. The last time the Detroit Pistons won an NBA title, Dennis Rodman was still in a training bra.

Notre Dame fired Paul Hornung from the football radio booth Sunday. He forgot where he was. He recently suggested the school lower its academic standards to recruit more black players, but the faculty would rather lose than cheer for Protestants.

The Lundberg Survey said Sunday gasoline prices finally fell several pennies at the pump last week. The high prices have been causing social havoc on the Los Angeles dating scene. Girls used to judge guys by their cars, but now they wait until they see the gas gauge.

John Kerry asked the White House Sunday to relax restrictions on stem cell research so scientists can cure Alzheimer's. It made a lot of people uncomfortable. John Kerry hasn't even seen the will yet and already he wants to marry Nancy Reagan.

Iran's government admitted Saturday it has nuclear capabilities and demanded that Iran be recognized and respected as a nuclear power. The CIA just issued a five-word explanation for its recommendation to overthrow the government of Iraq. Missed It by That Much.

The Red Cross said Sunday the U.S. must charge Saddam Hussein with something or release him. Reports say he's acting depressed ever since he was captured. It's not right to get him hooked on runner's high for eight months and then force him to withdraw cold turkey.

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