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Jewish World Review May 11, 2004 / 20 Iyar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Smarty Jones will run for the second leg of the Triple Crown on Saturday. In last week's derby, his jockey went to the whip with both hands down the stretch. In today's world, winning isn't worth anything unless you also get a full confession.

The Food and Drug Administration took morning-after birth control pills off the shelf Friday. It might have helped. The reason Los Angeles high school proms are so crowded is because each girl has to bring her date and her Lamaze instructor.

Tony Blair apologized on Sunday for the abuse of Iraqi prisoners by British soldiers. President Bush apologized Friday for U.S. abuses. Animal rights activists just offered to bring back fox hunting if it will give the Anglo-Saxons a sense of mission without the whips and chains.

Private Lynndie England was shown in photographs from Baghdad Friday smirking as she held a leash attached to an Iraqi detainee lying naked on the ground. People were horrified. No one's seen anything like it since Tonya Harding was arrested by Oregon police on Sadie Hawkins Day.

The Iraqi Governing Council declared Sunday they won't step down when the U.N. names their replacement government on June 30th. They like their jobs. In the first sign of progress toward democracy, they just found out they can vote for their own pay raises.

John Kerry urged students at historically black Southern University Saturday to join the Peace Corps. Was he suggesting to black students they pack their bags and go back to Africa? This is exactly the sort of thing that cost Trent Lott his job.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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