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Jewish World Review Feb. 4, 2003 / 12 Shevat, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Democrats held seven primaries Tuesday which were covered extensively by the cable news outlets. The ratings battle is fierce. Justin Timberlake was hired by CNN to sit next to Judy Woodruff all night long just to keep viewers from changing the channel.

Wesley Clark was pulled over for speeding on an Oklahoma superhighway Sunday while he was campaigning for president. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol doesn't kid around. Timothy McVeigh left his license plate dangling and he got the death penalty.

Howard Dean said Monday he believed the FCC's decision to investigate Janet Jackson's breast-flashing is silly. He said as a doctor the sight is not a new experience for him. When you're an internist you see more than your share of interns.

John Edwards was busted by airport security en route to Oklahoma Sunday. They took his pocket knife and small tools used by photographers and cameramen. John Edwards is an upbeat guy but the airport is no place to wish strangers a Happy Hajj.

The Senate Office Building suffered a bioterrorism attack Monday as staffers discovered an envelope filled with the poisonous white powder Ricin. The powder was thoroughly tested. John Kerry injected it into a wrinkle to see if it might help.

John Kerry was accused Monday of getting botox injections. Botulinum toxin was listed among Iraq's biological weapons. Saddam Hussein built three palaces with revenue he skimmed from his Botox-for-Food deal with the City of Beverly Hills.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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