Jewish World Review June 2, 1999 /18 Sivan, 5759
Reassure Child Before Making A Business Trip
By Dr. Wade F. Horn
Q: I am the father of a three year old daughter. My job requires that I
travel
approximately one week out of every month. What can I do to help my daughter
cope
with my traveling schedule?
A: Many men (and women) have to travel as part of their jobs. Those
that don't do a lot of it, often view business travel as glamorous. Those
that do a lot of it, understand that business travel is tedious and tiring.
Business travel can be especially stressful for parents of young
children. Tearful scenes as Daddy or Mommy waves bye-bye can tug at the
traveler's heart for many miles to come, while the parent left behind can
feel lonely, stressed, and deserted.
Although children of all ages are affected by traveling parents,
young children areespecially affected. That's because they have a lesser
capacity to understand why Daddy or Mommy is leaving home. Some may even
worry that the traveling parent may never return, or that something bad is
going to happen while the parent is gone.
For all these reasons, coping with business travel is not easy for
young families. Here are some tips for making these separations less
difficult for both you and your child:
Prepare your child in advance. Young children can become anxious
when Dad or Mom is missing, especially when that absence is prolonged. It is
a good idea to give your child an explanation in advance for why you will be
gone for a while.
Reassure your child that you will return. Make sure your child
understands that your absence is only temporary. One way to do this is to
mark a special calendar indicating how long you will be gone and when you
will return. Then have your spouse "count" the days until your return by
putting a sticker or checkmark on the calendar for each day you are gone.
Tape record a special message or bedtime story for your child.
Children are
tremendously reassured by the sound of the traveling parent's voice. Tape
record yours, and let your child listen to it each day you are gone.
Give your child a "transitional object." Young children find it
helpful in managing their anxiety about an absent parent to have a special
object that reminds them of that parent. This can be as simple as a picture
of you and your child doing something together, or as elaborate as a whole
photo album. Or it could be a stuffed animal that you picked out together.
It doesn't really matter what it is, so long as it is something special your
child can physically hang on to during your absence.
Phone home regularly. I know. Business trips are very tiring. But
both your child and your spouse will appreciate the phone call. And be sure
that you spend most of the time asking about their day, rather than just
talking about yours.
Spend special time with your child upon your return. When you return
home,
don't just plop down on the couch and turn on the TV. Spend it wrestling
with your child
on the floor, or sit your child on your lap and listen to how her days went.
Spend some special time with your spouse when you return as well.
Don't forget that while you were out running about airports and ordering room
service, your spouse was getting your child dressed in the morning, cooking
meals, doing the laundry, and cleaning that spot on the rug where your child
spilled a glass of grape juice. So remember that when you return, your
spouse will need a little special time and attention from you too.
If possible, bring your child along with you. Sometimes, it is
possible to combine a business trip with pleasure. As all veteran business
travelers know, airplane fares that include a Saturday night stay over, are
far more inexpensive that airfares during the week. Some businesses will pay
for the added expense of a Saturday night stay over if it results in a
substantially cheaper airfare. If so, consider bringing your child on an
occasional business trip with you. Even if the trip brings you to Gulf Port,
Alabama, instead of Paris, France, your child will be thrilled to be
traveling with you and spending time with dad.
Try not to miss special days. Difficulties associated with business
travel are
compounded if it means missing a child's (or spouse's!) birthday, piano
recital, or playoff
game. Mark these special days on your calendar at work. Then when travel
assignments come up, work hard to avoid missing these important events.
While sometimes missing an important event is unavoidable, the truth
is, with enough advance notice employers and clients can -- and frequently do
-- adjust to these limitations on your travel. And if your boss refuses to
understand why you can't travel to Boise, Idaho, on the evening of your
daughter's fourth birthday, perhaps it's time to find a new
JWR contributor Dr. Wade F. Horn is President of the
National Fatherhood Initiative and
co-author of The
Better Homes and Gardens New Father Book. Send your question about dads,
children or
fatherhood to him C/O JWR
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