Jewish World Review Oct. 6, 2000 / 7 Tishrei, 5761

Yaffa Ganz

As a Jewish woman of many years' standing, as a Jewish wife, as a Jewish mother, I am, according to popular folklore, heiress to many complexes, fixations and obsessions. Most of these accusations are nothing more than petty jealousies expressed by envious parties who do not measure up. Nonetheless, in the period before Yom Kippur, when every Jew is required to stand humbly before his/her Creator and confess the sins of a year gone by, I too have compiled a list...

The Jewish Woman's Guilt Chart
(Alphabetically Arranged for Easy Reference)

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- ANGER: An absolute no-no. Our rabbis say that he who loses histemper is akin to an idol-worshipper. (A thought: They said "he"who loses "his" temper. Are women exempt???)

BIKKUR CHOLIM – Visiting the Sick: How come I never get around to visiting the sick until he or she has usually recovered? There must be a logical explanation.I always have such good intentions....

COPING: I do, pretty well, most of the time. It's the few times I don't that vex me.

COOKING, CREATIVE: I used to, but I don't, not much, anymore. My mother did, a lot. Which doesn't help me much.

DAUGHTERS, TEEN-AGE: Often difficult. Charming, wonderful,lovely, but definitely difficult. Is it my fault??

DISHES, DIRTY, IN THE SINK: Good housekeepers don't have them. Iam a good housekeeper. So why...oh, never mind.

DUST, ALL OVER: Where does it all come from? And why doesn't itgo back there?

EGO: It's always there, getting in the way.

ENERGY: I'm not so old. Why don't I have more of it?

FRIVOLOUS READING: I know it's waste of time and I know it'sstupid and beneath me and I know I could find something better to read if I only looked a little. But after a long, hard,tiring day, a little frivolous reading is so relaxing.

GOSSIP: I do not gossip. Gossiping is crude and forbidden andgood people do not do it. I only discuss. Important things, whichreally do need discussing. And, of course, in a constructive way.(So why do I feel so guilty after my constructive discussions?)

HANG-UPS: How many have I caused or bequeathed to my poor, unsuspecting kids?

HACHNASAS ORCHIM: I do have guests, despite what my kids say. It's just that they think the house should be Grand Hotel every Shabbos but I happen to get tired. I'm entitled to a "small" Shabbos oncein a while, aren't I?

IRONING: It just so happens that I enjoy ironing. But I don't say so out loud. It makes for enemies. Like when I mention that I iron my husband's and sons' shirts. All of them; every week. Somewomen don't. For shame. (So I'm feeling a little superior...so what?)

JEWELRY: I know that jewelry is superficial, vain and silly - mere playthings for women who are not really serious about life. (Sowho says you have to be serious all the time?)

KAVANA (Devotion): How is one supposed to daven with kavana in the house when the phone keeps ringing and people keep coming to the door to sell you something? Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better togive up altogether. Or maybe I should go to the early minyan withmy husband. (Do they daven with more kavanah there?)

LEARNING, MY HUSBAND'S: How many more hours a week could he learn Torah subjects if I let him, and how come I don't ?

MENUS: How long can one keep making the same food? I must getmyself some new recipes before the family turns into a tuna casserole.

MONEY: There's no keeping up with the Cohen's in our house. Which is why I don't understand what all the fuss was about when I merely suggested buying a new dining room set.

NOISE & NEIGHBORS: It is extremely difficult to love your neighbors when their kids come equipped with automatic sound effects and exceedingly loud noise accessories.

NUDGING: An activity I am often engaged in. I'd love to stop. Any suggestions towards attaining this goal will be greatly appreciated.

OVEN: One of my recurring dreams used to be that the inside ofmine was spotlessly clean. So I bought one that does the job. All by itself. Am I superfluous now?

PATIENCE: It is a virtue. Yes indeed. And it takes a long whileto develop it too.

PASSOVER: I admit it. I gave up by the time I reached the lastcabinet in the kitchen. I cleaned it, but not with the same zeal and zest that the first thousand cabinets, drawers and shelves received. So now I'm left with eight days of wondering: Is allthe chametz really out???

QUARRELING: It really never pays and chances are you'll land upbeing in the wrong. (And sometimes, even when you're right, you're wrong.) So why not put a stop to it before it starts?

RESTING: An activity I find extremely therapeutic at all times. So why do I always feel as though I am wasting time, when what I am actually doing is gathering energy?

REHASHING: As in arguments. Very bad habit. If you didn't make your point the first time round, chances are you won't make it now either. Besides, people hate it.

SHIURIM (Religious lectures) There are so many around. Everyone goes. I should gotoo.

SHOPPING: Wouldn't it be nice if we could shorten the time necessary for shopping each week and use the free time for walking in the park? I know shopping is necessary and all that,but the park is so much more enjoyable...

SILLY SHOPPING: As opposed to the above, it is not necessary, and it's so much more fun. I wonder why the things that are fun areso rarely necessary and the things that are necessary are so rarely fun. There must be some deep lesson in that.

SINGLE SOCKS: Where do they all come from? I'm positive they all had partners when they entered the washing machine.

TALKING: I wish I did less. It often gets you into trouble. Ialso get tired of hearing myself. Which makes me wonder what the rest of my family and friends are thinking.

TIME: How I wish I had more of it and used what I had moreconstructively! Sigh...

UPS & DOWNS: My emotional states. Life would be much easier if Iregulated my U's & P's more successfully.

VANITY: Generally and unjustly ascribed to women. But men are just as vain, and anyway, isn't it a mitzva for a woman to keep herself attractive for her husband? It's not her fault if other people happen to see her too.

WEIGHT, ADDITIONAL AND UNWANTED: If G-d wanted all women to be skinny, He'd have made them that way. Besides, a mature women shouldn't look like a scarecrow. Right?

X: An absolutely guilt-free letter; the only one there is.

YELLING: Civilized, intelligent people do not yell. They do notlose their temper or their cool or their control. Yelling is futile. It is damaging to the yeller and to the yelled (at). Asa civilized, intelligent person, I do not yell. I only raise my voice because the people I am speaking to have hearing problems.

ZEDAKAH: I give conscientiously, almost all the time. So why do I still feel that I'm not giving enough?

Yaffa Ganz is the award winning author of Cinnamon and Myrrh and All Things Considered (Mesorah Publications N.Y.). She has written more than forty Jewish juvenile titles including Sand and Stars --- a 2000 year saga of Jewish history for teen readers. You may contact her by clicking here.

© 2000 Yaffa Ganz