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Jewish World Review August 3, 2000 / 2 Menachem-Av, 5760
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
SOMETIME BACK, I noticed that a local bookstore had an entire wall of books
grouped under the heading self-help. Although I knew that the word self was
meant to imply that these books contained information on help that could be
given to oneself by oneself as opposed to help that could be given to oneself
by others, I was struck deeply by the fact that, regardless of who might be
doing the helping, self was clearly the focus here and that the books in this
obviously popular section were about one thing only-helping oneself. I
wondered where the store's other-help section might be, and quickly
determined that there was no such thing.
It does not take any great sensitivity to recognize that our society is
over-focused on self-advancement, self-development, self-awareness,
self-gratification, and a host of other self-etceteras. Movie and television
shows feature a preponderance of unmarried protagonists who live single lives
in which they bear little or no responsibility for others. Many people, who
are both inspired by and are the inspiration for those protagonists, spend
the greater part of their potential child-raising years pursuing pleasure,
wealth, security, and attractive partners, before finally marrying and
perhaps giving birth to a child or two whose parents will be entering old age
when they reach their late teens.
I believe that people spend so much time and energy focusing on themselves
because they intuitively (and correctly) sense that life holds the promise of
profound satisfaction, and they are desperate to obtain it.
The reason for this is that the life that would achieve the satisfaction they
are seeking -- a life of kindness to others -- is exactly the opposite of the
life they are living.
G-d created us in order for us to come close to Him, and since this is the
purpose of our creation, distance from G-d is, by definition,
dissatisfaction, and closeness to G-d is, by definition, satisfaction.
There is simply no other game in town.
In his classic Ahavas Chessed, the Chofetz Chaim, ZT"L explains that when a person
does kindness to others, he emulates G-d's unending kindness to us, and
thereby comes close to Him in this world. Measure for measure, the person's
closeness to G-d in this world causes him to merit being close to G-d in the
World To Come in the state of bliss so beautifully described as receiving
pleasure from splendor of the Divine presence.
It is a life of kindness to others that produces closeness to G-d and the
ultimate satisfaction with which it is synonymous, whereas a life lacking
kindness to others leaves a person far from G-d and deeply dissatisfied.
Thus, it is other-help that is the true self-help, because it leads us
directly and surely to the fulfillment of our life's goal.
We are so fortunate to have been created. May we be blessed with the wisdom
and strength to reflect G-d's kind and holy
Self-Help vs. Other-Help
By Rabbi Shimon Green
Unfortunately, not only does people's obsession with self not satisfy them;
on the contrary, it places them in a viciously frustrating cycle of greater
and greater dissatisfaction. Just as a person who is driven to eat by his
insecurity becomes fatter and more insecure the more he eats, the more people
attempt to satisfy themselves by focusing on themselves, the more blatantly
and deeply they are forced to realize how deeply unsatisfied they are.
Rabbi Green is the dean of Bircas HaTorah, a yeshiva for adults located
in Jerusalem. Send your comments by clicking here.
