Rabbi Berel Wein

Short Tales

Jewish World Review March 8, 2001 / 13 Adar, 5761

A Purim fable

By Rabbi Berel Wein

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- AND it was in the days of King Achashlinton, who was the head of the only superpower left in the world and ruled over fifty states as well as Puerto Rico, Guam and American Samoa, that King Achaslinton concerned himself with the problems of the State of Israel. He was determined to end the "conflict of a century" by dint of his personality and with the help of a pliant Israeli government. He invited all of the participants in the "conflict of a century" to a number of great parties that he threw for them to impress them with the glories of a "peace process" guaranteed to end the "conflict of a century." And so great was his influence that the Israelis reversed all of their previous policies and long-held beliefs about the true nature of the "conflict of a century" and came willingly and enthusiastically to King Achashlinton's parties.

The first party was on the West Lawn of King Achashlinton's White Palace. There did Hamarafat promise, without a smile crossing his lips but with his fingers crossed behind his back, that there would be no more violence from his side and that all matters outstanding regarding the "conflict of a century" would be settled exclusively by negotiation. King Achashlinton invited all of the "top Jews" of the world to his party and they all came to witness the beginning of the end of the "conflict of a century." The King even provided kosher food for those who still followed those antiquated customs. As part of the agreement worked out at the party, Israel gave up territory, supplied arms and money to Hamarafat and issued stamps and posters to celebrate the foreseen imminent end of the "conflict of a century."

King Achashlinton got himself into deep marital troubles and there were those evil moral Republicans that even tried to throw him out of his White Palace. But the King was accustomed to getting out of his troubles by using his charm, baldly lying and turning on the pathos, not to speak of out-of-court settlements. This left him with time to keep on trying to end the "conflict of the century." It seems that the "peace process" was somehow getting derailed in spite of everyone involved, except for the King, receiving Nobel prizes for peace. The King was mightily disappointed at being excluded from the prize. Could it be that the prize committee contained Republicans? Meanwhile, the "peace process" undermined and divided the Israeli public, where its Prime Minister was assassinated as a direct result of the "peace process." Hamarafat kept up his violence and terrorism and his female representative Zereshashrawi continued to outrageously pillory Israel to worldwide media applause. But it was obvious that the "peace process" was going nowhere.

King Achashlinton then called for another gala party, this time at Wye Plantation. Again, the participants in the "conflict of a century" parti cipated and a new agreement was signed in which Israel gave up more territory and autonomy to Hamarafat in return for Hamarafat promising to fulfill the promises that he had made at the first West Lawn party. And everyone cheered, for the Yossis of Israel proclaimed that the end of the "conflict of a century" was at hand. But there were some stubborn Jews still around who would not bow down to the idol of a false peace and insisted that Hamarafat was not at all serious about ending the "conflict of a century." Many of the "official Jews" in the world blamed these stubborn Jews (some of them being even, G-d forbid, "settlers") for the fact that the "peace process" wasn't working and that all of the terrorists of Hamarafat were still active in killing Jews.

King Achashlinton was delighted when Israel elected a new leader who promised to settle the "conflict of a century" within eighteen months. For that purpose, the King invited everybody to another party, this time at Camp David. (Who is that David? Does he have any connection to Jerusalem? To the Temple Mount? Probably not.) Here, the Israelis threw in the towel and conceded almost everything if Hamarafat would only keep the promises he made two parties ago. But Hamarafat refused everything offered and opened a war against Israel. All of the King's efforts could not put the "peace process" back together again. Even the further concessions that Israel offered to Hamarafat at another party at Taba hosted by Memoochasni were not enough for Hamarafat. The new war continued, killing innocent people but that could not move Hamarafat. Even the brilliant guidelines proposed publicly by the King before he moved out of his White Palace (with the palace silverware in his luggage) were insufficient to settle the "conflict of the century."

Is Sharon a Mordechai? Is Limor Livnat an Esther? How about Dalia Itzik? Who knows? Stay tuned. The G-d of Israel whose name never appeared in this fable until now, may yet have something to say about the "conflict of the century."

JWR contributor Rabbi Berel Wein is one of Jewry's foremost historians and founder of the Destiny Foundation. He resides in Jerusalem. You may contact Rabbi Wein by clicking here or calling 1-800-499-WEIN (9346).


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© 2000, Rabbi Berel Wein