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Jewish World Review
August 8, 2006
/ 14 Menachem-Av, 5766
Coping With What's Eating You
By
Rebbetzin Feige Twerski
Many hesitate to get help, because they see it as a sign of weakness. Others believe that they deserve to suffer. Still others mistakenly think time will cure everything. All are misguided rationalizations
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Some years ago, I took my father, of blessed memory, to a
physician for a consultation. After the examination,
the doctor shared his conclusions with us, and we
prepared to leave. Just as my father was about to walk out of the
office, he turned to the doctor and said, "Doctor, you're the first
medical professional who didn't hassle me about my weight. How
come?" The doctor's wise response was memorable and I have
quoted it often since. He said, "Rabbi, it's not what you eat, it's what
eats away at you that really matters."
I thought about that this morning when a young woman came to
see me to discuss her troubled marriage. She unloaded 15 years' worth
of pain, anguish, and emotional deprivation. My heart sank as the picture
grew darker and more hopeless. When I could bear it no longer,
I erupted, "Why did you wait so long to get help? What have you been
doing for the last 15 years, while all of this was eating away at you?"
PRIDEFUL RELUCTANCE
Indeed, one of the greatest frustrations I have experienced in
more than 30 years of counseling is the prideful reluctance of individuals and/or couples to seek intervention when a problem first arises, or at the very least, when it becomes clear that the problem is not going away.
Invariably, by the time the situation comes to our door there
is so much accumulated anger, bitterness, and resentment that a
veritable wall, impenetrable to scale, has been erected; by then an
almost superhuman effort is needed to break through.
Negativity of this magnitude ravages not only its object, but its
bearer as well. Resentment, someone explained, is like drinking
poison and hoping that the other person will die. The fact is that,
as my father's doctor observed, "it eats away at us." We become
the victims.
APPROPRIATE ASSISTANCE
King Solomon exhorts us that if there is worry or concern in one's
heart, one should speak about it to those who can be of assistance:
"If there is anxiety in a man's mind let him quash it, and
turn it into joy with a good word — a righteous man gives
his friend direction." (Proverbs 12:25).
In modern day we have many choices available to us — rabbis,
therapists, counselors, and other professionals that a particular situation
might call for.
Articulating one's problems and issues in the presence of an
objective party gives one access, at the very least, to greater clarity
and insight. Dealing with a problem at its inception can avert much
heartache and many tragedies — divorce, alienation, destroyed
relationships, etc.
Many hesitate to get help, because they see it as a sign of weakness.
Others believe that they deserve to suffer. Still others mistakenly
think time will cure everything. All are misguided rationalizations.
A woman at a seminar once asked me how we can teach our
children to deal effectively with the stresses and challenges of life.
I responded that our children watch us very carefully. Our behavior
is the example we set for them to follow. Our message to them
needs to be that when life gets tough, we don't crumble or run
away, we don't give up the ship. We don't avoid facing our issues
such that we become frustrated, bitter, angry, and resentful.
ALL ONE'S STRENGTH
The story is told about a little boy who, while playing in the backyard,
tries to move a big rock from its place. He pushes and pushes
but to no avail. The rock doesn't budge. Frustrated, he turns to his
father who, instead of being sympathetic, admonishes his son, "You
are not using all your strength." The boy turns once again to push
the stone, huffing and puffing, pushing and pulling, but once again
with no success. Much to his surprise, he hears his father, chiding
him, "But, son, you are still not using all your strength." Spent and
fatigued, the young lad cries to his father, "How can you say that?
I have tried my best!" "No you haven't," responded his father, "you
didn't ask me to help you."
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You can buy the rebbetzin's book, from which it was excerpted, at a discount by clicking "here". (Sales help fund JWR.).
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Meeting the challenges of life effectively belongs to those who
have the foresight and the courage to seek out, in a timely fashion,
those who can enable them to use all their strength.
And it also most definitely belongs to those who turn to the Source
of all strength — to G-d. Prayer gives strength. Faith gives strength.
Recognition that we were placed on earth for a purpose and that the
One Who put us here gives us reservoirs of strength to cope with the
challenges of life — that, too, gives strength and perspective. And
with proper perspective, even mountains become molehills.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspirational articles. Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Rebbetzin Feige Twerski of Milwaukee, Wisconsin has devoted her life to Jewish education and Outreach, giving lectures worldwide on a myriad of Judaic subjects. She is a mother of 11 children, and many grandchildren whose number she refuses to divulge. She serves as the Rebbetzin along side her husband, Rabbi Michel Twerski, of Congregation Beth Jehudah of Milwaukee. Comment by clicking here.
© 2006, Shaar Press
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