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Jewish World Review March 23, 2001 / 28 Adar, 5761

Julia Gorin

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Consumer Reports

She spends to conquer -- IF, even after Bill Clinton, anyone still has any doubt about the inverse proportion between a politicianís costs to the public and his benefits, now we can be sure. Thanks to Hillary Clinton, California Senator Diane Feinstein has been bumped to second place for most useless politician with most expensive offices.

Useless #1 has taken a $514,149-a-year suite in a Manhattan high rise--more than double the $209,532 taxpayers pay for senior senator Chuck Schumerís office a block away. Useless #2ís is $424,632 a year, in San Francisco, and half the size of #1ís New York offices. All the welfare mothers combined donít amount to the burden that these two yentas constitute.

Thatís why you donít elect a woman to public office. Itís just like with credit cards: You give a woman plastic, and she goes crazy. You elect a woman to public office, and she goes wild. In both cases, you end up regretting it. Although with public office itís actually worse than with credit cards. Because sheís not just spending money--sheís making a statement of entitlement, so she feels free to spend as much as possible to let you know just how entitled she is. Your moneyís going for a good cause, after all: Symbolism. Of female triumph and empowerment.

Indeed, look at what a girl can achieve: She can get an education and then an overeducation so that she might become a bigger dependant of the state than she ever was to her parents or husband.

But allís fair in the game of big spending. Since Clinton and Feinstein are there to spend even more money on everyone else, their take is just a drop in the bucket. Give a girl a break.

Like everyone did for the first female secretary of state, Madeleine Albright. Blunder after blunder, she was still able to feel good about herself. Because blunder after blunder, women rushed to her defense: Arenít there enough men in positions of power screwing up the world? Itís time to give a woman a chance! Besides, think how many obstacles she had to overcome to get to a position where she could destabilize the universe.

But, according to, Mitch Arkin, of real estate giant Cushman & Wakefield, had this to say in Hillaryís defense.

"I donít think sheís paying too high a rent for the type of building a U.S. senator should be in. Sheís like royalty. Sheís the ex-presidentís wife. She lived in the White House for eight years for crying out loud."

In other words, sheís already used to a certain lifestyle thatís already been costing us, so why cut her off now? It doesnít seem right.

And if you make the mistake of giving a dog a potato chip, you should give him the whole bag. Because he wants it. And will keep whining until he gets it. So Arkin actually got the last part right: She lived in the White House for eight years for crying out loud. Now crying loud got her into the Senate.

There are more to come, but so far Clintonís office has 15 employees and 60 volunteers, the latter being those cost-free people. Always a thrifty way to go if youíre someone whoís interested in keeping costs down. Especially if you plan on your costs continuing to outweigh your benefits.

JWR contributor Julia Gorin is a journalist and stand-up comic residing in Manhattan. Send your comments by clicking here.


03/05/01: World travel: Less is more
02/13/01: Can We Survive George W.? An Essay by Joe American
01/22/01: The one that got away
12/21/00: A peaceful proposal
11/27/00: Getting used to Hillary
11/24/00: RU-486: "A Victory for Women" ÖR U Sure?
10/10/00: If the world is watching the fighting in the Middle East, let it also watch "Rules of Engagement"
09/15/00: Bruiser and me
09/09/00: Would New York still be New York without the U.N.?
09/06/00: A cornerstone of 20th Century America: Sticking it to the rich
08/14/00: Dangers in do-goodness
06/16/00: It's the sex, stupid
04/14/00: The most violent people
03/24/00: Beautiful fraud
03/17/00: Patronizing the patron
02/18/00: No one likes a hater without a cause
02/04/00: Bubba's big break
12/21/00: The Sport of Sitting
11/19/99: He wants his brother back!
11/15/99: Hollywood: Just jamming
10/29/99: Bomb all bans
10/04/99: Welcome, Mr. Buchanan!
09/24/99: The Financing of Hill's House
09/10/99: 'I cause your pain'
08/20/99: Believing the hype
08/09/99: Chickens bombing ... chickens?
07/30/99: Why I'm eating so much chocolate
07/16/99: The reluctant partisan
06/29/99: Maddy and Bill went up the (Capitol) Hill
04/29/99: "Never again"? This isn't exactly what we had in mind
03/19/99: The Thin Yellow Line
03/03/99: How many more are out there?
10/19/98: Got milk? Donít know. Do I?
07/30/98: Kofi Annan's crimes against sensibility
05/15/98: Susan McDougal: a real stand-up kinda guy
01/08/98: In defense of the appetizing shiksa

© 2000, Julia Gorin