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Jewish World Review Oct. 10, 2000/ 11 Tishrei, 5760

Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder

Jackie & Raul
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Consumer Reports

Lieber(al)man creates new Jewish denomination -- JOSEPH JEFFERSON JACKSON, named "Shoeless" Joe Jackson by his fans, was called "The best natural hitter ever" by Ty Cobb. Joe was also one of the eight Chicago White Sox accused of having accepted money to throw the 1919 World Series. A group of boys, heart-broken by the thought that their hero betrayed their trust in him, shouted as he went by, "Say it isn't so Joe" and the phrase instantly became forever engraved in the American psyche. It's time to take it out of mothballs, polish it up, and hang it around Joe Lieberman's neck.

Lieberman, over the years, has enjoyed a reputation for rectitude and honesty, sometimes aided by the fact that he was an Orthodox Jew, and sometimes in spite of it. Now, on key issues for which he was a leader and spokesperson, he has flipped over more times than a mattress in a hotbed motel.

Lieberman, along with William Bennett, was a leader in a campaign to reign in Hollywood's revolting output of mayhem and dismemberment. But now, since Hollywood is the fuel that funds the Gore-Lieberman-Clinton machine, Lieberman's address at a Hollywood fund-raiser that brought in over $4 million dollars from these purveyors of cinematic mutilation and mayhem to kids, said: "I promise you this: We will never, never put the government in the position of telling you by law, what to make."

Senator Lieberman had serious doubts about affirmative action. Candidate Lieberman has no such doubts.

Senator Lieberman was in favor of tort reform and holding down lawyers' fees. Candidate Lieberman, whose ticket has received enormous sums of money from plaintiffs lawyer groups, now opposes tort reform. His position is, "A Tort, a Tart, what's the difference? They both end up taking your money, even though one stands up when he takes your money and the other lays down. When you're finished with them you are broke either way."

Senator Lieberman who raised his voice in protest against Clinton's immoral and criminal conduct, and his White House fund raising, is now, as Candidate Lieberman, remarkably silent in this regard. His position is that since he can't find the word "is" in the Talmud, maybe Clinton was right, and we should give him the benefit of the doubt ("The Dictionary Defense" in Clintonspeak).

Senator Lieberman, who vowed that Jerusalem would be the capital of Israel, and that the American Embassy would be moved there, even if he had to do it "brick by brick", now, as Candidate Lieberman, apparently feels that he is not a member of the bricklayer's union, so moving bricks is somebody else's job, and anyway there is no hurry to move the embassy since it's already in a Jewish neighborhood.

Senator Lieberman was keen on school choice, while Candidate Lieberman says one school is as bad as another, so why waste money paying for school buses.

Senator Lieberman, who wraps his religious beliefs around him like a flag, apparently subscribes to a new form of Judaism. There is Orthodox Judaism, Conservative Judaism and Reform Judaism. Senator Lieberman belongs to a new sect: Selective Observant Judaism. Lieberman found a Rabbi of the Selective Observant persuasion who gives him special dispensations. The Senator can work on the Sabbath or Holy days only if it is a life or death emergency. Therefore his Rabbi told Lieberman he could work, since it would kill him if he loses the election. Similarly, he cannot answer the telephone... unless it rings. He cannot handle money during holy days, unless of course it is a contribution to his campaign, because then he would not be handling it, but only taking it.

Lieberman said he would be open to sitting down and chatting with Nation of Islam leader and anti-Semite Louis Farrakhan. "I have respect for him [Farrakhan]... I admire what Minister Farrakhan is doing."

Between Lieberman admiring Farrakhan and Mrs. Clinton kissing Mrs. Arafat, maybe he is now thinking of moving Jerusalem brick by brick to Mecca.

Say it isn't so Joe.

JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.


10/03/00: Space invaders
09/12/00: A Delicatessen Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand (with apologies to A. Lincoln)
08/23/00: Life's certainties
07/31/00: AlGore needs a doctor --- badly!
07/03/00: Only a coincidence?
06/01/00: Can a liberal make sense?
06/02/00: Never give a GOPer a break
05/17/00: Computers, OY VEY!
05/02/00: Cuba si, Castro nu
04/17/00: Gen. Kennedy for Commander-in-Chief
04/06/00: Guns, hypocrisy and common sense
03/31/00: What's sleazier than a lawyer?
03/23/00: Clinton the 3-D Man
03/10/00: Politics or Pro Wrestling?
02/28/00: Free advice to the pundits: Get a life --- and new jobs
02/14/00: She Flunked!

© 2000, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder. This article first appeared in The Washington Times.