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Jewish World Review Oct. 3, 2000/ 4 Tishrei, 5760

Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder

Jackie & Raul
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Consumer Reports

Space invaders -- EINSTEIN PROVED that all things in space are relative. The only relative we know personally who is involved with space is brother-in-law Irving, who moved into a space on the second floor of our house 27 years ago and is still waiting for the cab to take him to the airport.

It was therefore with some interest that we noted Hillary Clinton's spokesman complained that Rick Lazio, in their debate, had invaded Mrs. Clinton's personal space when he handed her a pledge he had already signed agreeing that neither candidate would accept soft money in their respective Senate campaigns.

Mrs. Clinton's deep concern about a violation of personal space seems to be confined largely to her own. It's true that Mrs. Clinton did get a little exercised when the news broke that her husband had intruded on the very personal space of Monica Lewinsky. In fact, her husband seems to be quite a specialist in the violation of other people's personal spaces. The list stretches back from Gennifer Flowers to Kathleen Willey (now Kathleen Willey Schwicker) to Paula Jones and beyond.

Billy Dale, the longtime White House travel consultant, not only had his personal space in the White House violated, he had it taken away from him to make way for an Arkansas relative of the Clintons. In order to accomplish this, the Clintons besmirched Mr. Dale's reputation and had him unjustly accused of criminal activity. To do such a horrendous thing does indeed reflect the price the Clintons are prepared to put on personal space; at least, if it belongs to somebody else.

And what about Lincoln? He had his personal bedroom turned into the highest priced motel in town. Hundreds of thousands of dollars changed hands as contributions to Mrs. Clinton's Senate campaign to rent out the bedroom. The Clintons are not even good businessmen in this regard. Danny DeVito contributed money either before or after he slept in the bedroom. We cannot tell when the money was paid since the Clintons would not release the dates of payments. So, we don't know if the Clintons required the money in advance, as is the practice with prostitutes, or whether money was paid upon checking out, as one would do at a conventional motel.

We do know, however, the Clintons are not very smart in handling the rooms. In Danny DeVito's case, considering his size compared to Lincoln's, they could have rented out the same bed to another short person at the same time.

After the debate in which Mr. Lazio handed Mrs. Clinton the pledge to sign, a New York Times/CBS Poll showed 53 percent of the men polled and 56 percent of the women polled believed Mr. Lazio was "too aggressive in the debate."

This only goes to show that nobody ever lost money in a bet by underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.


09/12/00: A Delicatessen Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand (with apologies to A. Lincoln)
08/23/00: Life's certainties
07/31/00: AlGore needs a doctor --- badly!
07/03/00: Only a coincidence?
06/01/00: Can a liberal make sense?
06/02/00: Never give a GOPer a break
05/17/00: Computers, OY VEY!
05/02/00: Cuba si, Castro nu
04/17/00: Gen. Kennedy for Commander-in-Chief
04/06/00: Guns, hypocrisy and common sense
03/31/00: What's sleazier than a lawyer?
03/23/00: Clinton the 3-D Man
03/10/00: Politics or Pro Wrestling?
02/28/00: Free advice to the pundits: Get a life --- and new jobs
02/14/00: She Flunked!

© 2000, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder. This article first appeared in The Washington Times.