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Jewish World Review April 2, 2001/ 9 Nissan, 5761

Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder

Jackie & Raul
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Accounting for Jesse Jackson -- WHEN somebody kills himself there is always a postmortem. The same thing happens whenever there is a political or public event that goes wrong. Easy examples are Pearl Harbor, the recent Democratic election loss, and the sinking of the Ehime Maru by the submarine USS Greeneville. All gave birth to postmortems, which are just another way of second-guessing -- looking back with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. The burnout of Jesse Jackson made the incandescent re-entry of the Mir space vehicle look like flicking a match to light an after-dinner stogie. It is therefore natural to share our thoughts on the recent events that have, hopefully, caused his political demise.

If Jesse Jackson had had a 'protection' and a Jewish accountant, he could have been elected Emperor of Japan.

Jesse had things going great for a while. He was a Reverend without a church, a businessman without a business, and a Senator without a state. Now all because he could not afford a condom, we found out he was being very well paid for what he was doing, that his organizations did not file proper tax returns, and even his girl friend made out, well, like the girl friend of a guy who is very rich. In this case the guy was made rich with your monies -- monies that had been deducted from tax returns because they were supposed to be going to charitable causes. Come to think of it, giving a girl you knocked up forty thousand dollars to go to the other end of the country might be considered an act of charity -- especially if you have a wife and five children at home -- but should it also qualify as being tax deductible?

Karin Stanford didn't quite get to the end of the rainbow, but she made it as far as becoming head of Jackson's Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. Working under (and probably sometimes on top of) Jackson she was paid $110,000 per year and became pregnant or, perhaps more properly put, working under Jackson, she became pregnant and incidentally was paid $110,000. In any event, whether she was underpaid or overpaid for her efforts, Jackson failed to report her income on his nonprofit organization's income tax returns and was caught apparently trying to do to the IRS what he had been doing to her. Only in his case you were paying for his pleasure.

Anybody that used to watch "The Untouchables" knows about the shakedown rackets that were a source of income for the mob. These gangsters would terrorize businesses both small and large into paying for protection. Small businesses might pay a few dollars a week as an insurance policy against "accidents" that would break their windows. Large businesses would gladly pay off big-time as a cheap price for labor peace.

Jackson's organizations were opposed to the corporate mergers of GTE and Bell Atlantic, AT&T and TCI, and CBS and Viacom, claiming that these companies were not kind enough to minorities. Since government approval would be necessary for these mergers to take place, Jackson's spending time with President Clinton on his knees in the Oval Office certainly would have been enough to cause the heads of these monster corporations sleepless nights. Instead of taking sleeping pills, these bosses had their corporations give millions of tax- deductible dollars (some contributions as high as $1.5 million) to Jackson's organizations, and sleep-filled nights returned along with the evaporation of Jackson's opposition to the mergers. Where is Elliot Ness when you need him?

Schoolchildren who had been giving nickels to Jackson's organizations and churchgoers who dug deep in their pockets for hard-earned dollars to contribute should have been shocked to learn:

Jackson receives $120,000 per year from his four organizations.

Jackson earns $5,000 per week from CNN (for doing, incidentally, their lowest-rated talk show).

Jackson will not reveal what he earns from speaking engagements.

Jackson spends $62,000 per year on his security when he is in Chicago.

Jackson's non-profit Citizenship fund spent $1.3 million in 1999 for consultants. His chief financial officer declined to identify the recipients of these monies.

Jackson made a serious mistake in alienating Jews with his remark about "Hymie Town." He could really use a good Jewish accountant. Jewish accountants have made a study of what to do in cases such as this. They can take a business that makes a hundred million dollars a year and show a loss of forty dollars.

Maybe Al Sharpton, Jackson's heir apparent, will have better judgment in choosing accountants.

JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.


02/26/01: When is a shnorrer a gonif?
01/31/01: The Israeli Harry Truman
01/11/01: When was the last time that Clinton tried to pose as a statesman and harass other leaders to give up more of their territory?
12/29/00: Orchids or Stinkweeds
12/15/00: The Florida "mess" as a religious experience ... for some of us
11/20/00: Dailey deceptions
11/07/00: The art of lying
10/31/00: The only effective way to clean up American politics
10/24/00: PLEASE, Mr. Mugger
10/10/00: Lieber(al)man creates new Jewish denomination
10/03/00: Space invaders
09/12/00: A Delicatessen Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand (with apologies to A. Lincoln)
08/23/00: Life's certainties
07/31/00: AlGore needs a doctor --- badly!
07/03/00: Only a coincidence?
06/01/00: Can a liberal make sense?
06/02/00: Never give a GOPer a break
05/17/00: Computers, OY VEY!
05/02/00: Cuba si, Castro nu
04/17/00: Gen. Kennedy for Commander-in-Chief
04/06/00: Guns, hypocrisy and common sense
03/31/00: What's sleazier than a lawyer?
03/23/00: Clinton the 3-D Man
03/10/00: Politics or Pro Wrestling?
02/28/00: Free advice to the pundits: Get a life --- and new jobs
02/14/00: She Flunked!

© 2001, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder. A version of this article first appeared in The American Spectator