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Jewish World Review Jan. 9, 2001 / 14 Teves, 5761
James Lileks
Senate be damned: Clinton signed it anyway. It conforms to his
self-image: the Great Peacemaker. The man who healed the Middle East. The
man who solved the Irish Question. The man who gently nudged a reluctant
nation towards the need to heed international law. Why, history will mourn
that we didn't have a big world war during Clinton's era; no matter how many
people might have been killed, it just seems unfair he was deprived of the
chance to end something as big as his talents could handle.
Clinton also signed the treaty because he disagrees with it, and
believes it's flawed. But by signing it, he says, we now have leverage in
fixing its mistakes.
Note to the next guy who sells Clinton a house: tell him you'll discuss
repairs after Bill signs the mortgage.
It's hard to oppose these manifestations of mankind's nobler instincts.
What, Slobo et al should just go free? Why don't we just drive them to the
Riviera, help them with their bags? That's not the point. No one wants
tyrants to get off scot-free. But tyrants rarely do. Aside from the
occasional African kleptocrat who retires in his 900-room French chalet to
expire of a wasting disease, tyrants usually leave office feet first. It's
the nature of the job. Rule by terror, and eventually the terrorized string
you up by your heels and recite mocking songs as you bleed to death. Or your
trusted underlings trot you down to the cellar and ventilate your brainpan.
For those who do make it out of office under their own steam, well, we
can always convene a court a la Nuremburg, and try them for whatever charge
we see fit. Put Judge Judy behind a tall oaken bench and let her go to work.
But to have a permanent tribunal just begs for mischief. Presumably, these
butchers would be permitted a defense. Thus we will be treated to Johnny
Cochrane defending Saddam: łThese are the facts / if it's not anthrax / you
must acquit / the fiend from Tikrit!˛ If a tyrant thinks there's going to
be a trial, he might pin his hopes on jury nullification. Wouldn't it be
fun to live in a world where Hitler not onyl gets off on a technicality, but
stands on the courthouse steps and vows to search for the real monomaniacal
genocidal tyrant.
If you took a copy of this treaty and laid it against Sen. Helms' flesh,
Jesse would burst into flames. Among the smart set, of course, the very fact
that the treaty makes Helms scowl like a constipated turtle is reason
enough to support it. Oh, hide me from the big bad UN, Jesse! I'm so scared
of losing my pwecious soveweignity, wahh!
But it is a legitimate concern. If an opponent of US policy could use
the courts to bollix us up, why wouldn't they? Anti-WTO anarchists are
perpetually itchy that Americans are so annoyingly HAPPY - why not drag the
entire country into court on behalf of some sweatshop workers in East
Malynesia? We stand accused of wearing GAP clothing, whose attractive
pricing structure was made possible by the depredations of international
capitalism. How do we plead? Snug Śn' Comfy, your Highness!
Ridiculous, of course - but not so ridiculous. Any political entity
seeks to expand its power. Any failure of the court will be seen by some as
a reason for expanding the court's reach and authority. The hard left hates
the FBI for framing Peltier, hates the Supreme Court for acting politically
in the last election, and hates the UN for authorizing the Gulf War. So
they want to create another body to redress their grievances - and this
one, unlike every other such body, will act with pure perfect justice.
When that one screws up, to whom should we appeal? To escape their
jurisdiction, where do we move?
It's the same old conundrum: treaties and compacts born of utopian
internationalism are useless unless all signatories conform to the same
standards of civilized behavior - and if that's the case, you don't need the
treaties. Canada and Switzerland do not have a nonaggression pact. They
don't need one. International courts will work some day. But not yet. Unless
you want Bill Clinton to face trial for bombing Monica off the front page.
And even if you do, trust me: you
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