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Jewish World Review Nov. 30, 2000 / 3 Kislev, 5761

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Consumer Reports

Things only a Dem will say with a straight face -- IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT that Al Gore's selfless pleas for "democracy" are part of his scheme to steal the election, consider this: In one of Gore's many pending lawsuits against the Florida election results, he asked the court to declare him the winner on the grounds that there are still thousands of votes to be counted. That's funny. If these ballots haven't been "counted" yet, how does he know he's the winner?

As we know from the chads littering the floors of the "counting" areas, these late-breaking votes are not only being "counted" three weeks after the election, they are also being cast three weeks after the election.

In the category of "Things Only a Democrat Would Say With a Straight Face," a Democrat woman on CNBC explained that some voters meant to vote but didn't actually punch the ballot (undoubtedly for Gore) because -- I quote -- they were "afraid to hurt the machine."

Unpunched ballots are a gold mine for Democrats. Through pure cheek and brazenness, they can turn uncast votes into votes for Gore. Total subjectivity -- like counting earwax on a punch card ballot -- is a Democrat's friend. We've entered the Alice-in-Wonderland realm of polls and spin and lies. Facts prohibited. This is the liberals' playing field. Truth doesn't matter, honor doesn't matter, fairness doesn't matter, logical consistency doesn't matter. Once Democrats are freed from the tyranny of objectivity, they are liberated to lie and cheat and steal.

They want the census to be determined by "sampling" rather than an "actual enumeration," as the Constitution specifies. They want SAT scores dropped as a criterion for college admissions -- in deference to subjective evaluations. They want criminals punished not merely for the objective act of, say, committing a murder, but also on the basis of a subjective determination of whether the murder was committed out of "hate" (as opposed to, presumably, all those crimes being committed out of love).

They promote the concept of a "living" Constitution unbounded by the objective and determinant words in the document. They prefer spin to hard facts. They want polls to determine constitutional questions like impeachment. In fact, they prefer polls to elections. (Those dazzling Florida exit polls should give you some idea why.)

It was bad enough having to suffer through six months of polls purporting to demonstrate that 20 million voters were swinging back and forth wildly each week from Bush to Gore, back to Bush, and on and on. Finally -- finally! -- we took the only poll that really counts: A focus group of 100 million Americans choosing a president, insulated from Democrat harangues by the privacy of a secret ballot. Gore lost but refused to concede ... and now we're right back to hearing who the polls say should be president.

Gore deployed his lawyer David Boies -- who is fast becoming the William Ginsberg of the election -- to argue that the unambiguous seven-day deadline for election returns imposed by Florida law is optional. Just a suggestion. Nonbinding thoughts tossed out by the legislature.

In short order the media took up the cudgel: Who's to say? There are arguments on both sides. Democrats and Republicans are both just playing politics. The New York Times spoke of the Republicans' "contention" that the seven-day deadline was meant to indicate a seven-day deadline.

Unambiguous statements of the law are now called mere "contentions." And for the final patina of legitimacy for a crackpot argument, the Florida kangaroo court "interpreted" seven days, as written in the law, to mean 19 days.

That really happened.

Indeed, only a Democrat could come up with Gore's brazenly illogical litigation posture. It is utterly incoherent, but coherence is irrelevant. Only spin matters.

Gore and his partisans insist on manual recounts (in only three heavily Democratic counties in a single state -- so that "every vote" will count!) They denounce the "butterfly" ballot as biased and borderline sadistic. They claim Democrat voters were intimidated from approaching the polls. (Evidently, Gore voters could be easily spotted on account of their tendency to follow traffic laws as well as they follow voting rules.)

Are you still with me? OK, how is it that a manual recount will remedy the problem of the "butterfly" ballot? How can it compensate people who claim they voted for the wrong guy by mistake (whoops! slipped!)? How will it rectify alleged voter intimidation? (And if humans are better than machines, what accounts for the runaway popularity of ATMs?)

If the whole point of this little exercise in "democracy" is to impair President Bush's legitimacy, winning will take care of that. Al Gore and his Democrat cult followers understand that, which is why they will say anything, do anything, to win.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. You may visit the Ann Coulter Fan Club by clicking here.


11/27/00: Certify the electors, then the judges
11/23/00: Kangaroo coup
11/20/00: This is what the Electoral College is supposed to prevent
11/16/00: The liar next time
11/09/00: JUST GO!
11/06/00: Hail Mary past
11/02/00: As the nose grows: The scripture according to Gore
10/30/00: Clinton sure can pick 'em
10/26/00: Gore's 'Nam flashbacks
10/23/00: Courting George Orwell
10/20/00: The three faces of Al
10/17/00: Must Christian conservatives be fascists?
10/13/00: Oil good; Dems bad
10/10/00: Al Gore: Serial fibber
10/06/00: Sigh of the crook
10/03/00: So who's the 'dumb guy' now?
09/29/00: Don't do drug legalization
09/26/00: I'd burn down my neighbor's house
09/22/00: Democrats worship the money shot
09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see
09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*
09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet
09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting
09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves
09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan
08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism
08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub
08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color
08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion
08/15/00: The viagra cotillion
08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford
08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face
08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth
08/01/00: The hole in the story
07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight
07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry
07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity
07/18/00: The state's religion
07/14/00: Reform it back
07/11/00: Keating for veep
07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'
07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test
06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too
06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent'
06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press
06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time
06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet
06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice
06/09/00: I did not have sexual
relations with that ... man!
06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw
05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer
05/26/00: Choose liberalism
05/24/00: Violence against coherence
05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans
05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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