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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 30, 2020

Rogue Report

By Argus Hamilton





http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Welcome back to part two of our annual Year in Jokes.

MARCH — Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin expressed confidence a relief bill for business and workers is in reach Friday. Independent contractors can't get jobless benefits. I announced to the clerks at West Hollywood Unemployment Office that I'm a comedian, and they gave me two free-drink tickets.

Florida's governor refused to shut down beaches to the thousands of kids partying for Spring Break. I say let them enjoy college life before they're forced to join the rest of us. We live in a world today where the richest 10% own 90% of the wealth and the dumbest 10% own 90% of the toilet paper.

Ralph's supermarket in Santa Monica reportedly made a million dollars in one day Thursday when customers panicked over the Covid-19 scare. Don't panic if your grocery store runs out of bathroom tissue, just go to CVS and buy something. Their receipt is as long as any roll of toilet paper.

Rolls-Royce of Beverly Hills sent out a beautiful flyer in the mail Tuesday informing me that the new line of Rolls-Royces have arrived on the showroom floor at Beverly Boulevard and Maple Drive. They added one rule. Until the panic buying subsides, there's a limit of two Rolls per customer.

The White House showcased CDC's instructions to the nation on how to combat Corona Virus Thursday but pundits criticized Trump for downplaying the danger. But to be fair, the virus has a mortality rate less than two percent. You are far more likely to die from testifying against the Clintons.

President Trump moved swiftly Thursday to push the FDA approval of a malarial drug that's erased Covid in other country's patient trials. I say we relax. A few months from now, we'll all be laughing and wondering what we were all so worried about, since it's so nice up here in Heaven.

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APRIL — The New York Times says Joe Biden was accused of past sexual misconduct by former Senate staffer Tara Reade. The accuser says then-Senator Biden pushed her against a wall, pushed his hands in her panties and fingered her. In Joe's defense, he was confused and thought he was bowling.

Los Angeles grocery stores posted notices Friday telling customers for the sake of public safety they must wear a mask in the store. I don't know much about public safety, but yesterday I saw a photo of O.J. Simpson at the grocery store in Vegas wearing gloves and a mask. It was like old times.

Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti on Friday tried to get everyone in L.A. to wear a face mask or bandana over our faces every time we go out the door. I started going around wearing bandanas on my face yesterday and I just love them. It's only Tuesday and I've already robbed three stage coaches.

The Department of Commerce urged retailers to require customers to keep their distance and their faces covered. Compliance varies widely. WalMart restricts the number of customers, Target requires customers to wear a mask, and at the 99-Cent Store, customers are making out in the aisles.

Governor Gavin Newsom's stay-home order was studiously obeyed by middle-age Generation-X residents in L.A. When Gen-Xers were kids in the 70s, they dreamed of sitting around the house with no school and smoking pot and watching TV. And now forty years later, they're living the dream.

Joe Biden vowed to unify the Centrists and the Progressive wing of the Democratic Party behind him following his upcoming debate with Bernie. It'll be held in the balcony of the Muppet Theater. Somebody needs to tell these guys that gray hair is G od's way of saying, thanks for being on our show.


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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.


© 2020, Argus Hamilton

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